DNS - Chapter 10
Chapter 10
Fang Shifei returned home with Lin Xingyuan and went to see Du Ling as usual. As soon as she entered the room, she saw him lying on the ground, face down and motionless.
"Master!"
Fang Shifei cried out, rushing over to help him up. She pressed her fingers to his wrist.
Du Ling's pulse was weak, like the setting sun. Although Fang Shifei had been mentally prepared, her eyes still welled up. She silently placed him on the bed, covered him with the thin quilt nearby, and went out to fetch water.
"He... he..." Lin Xingyuan stood at the doorway, at a loss. "I, I'll go get a doctor."
Fang Shifei returned with the water. "Don't bother. A doctor won't be able to do much. His stomach and heart aren't good, and he can't take much medicine now."
Lin Xingyuan asked, "Then..."
Fang Shifei regained her calm demeanor. "It's nothing. Birth, aging, sickness, and death are common occurrences in the human world. Besides, he's got a tough life; he's always like this. He hasn't actually died yet."
Her last words were almost a whisper, barely audible.
Lin Xingyuan sighed softly. "I'll go buy some tonic herbs like ginseng and Solomon's Seal. They should at least help him catch his breath."
This time, Fang Shifei didn't stop him.
Night fell over Shuidong County.
So much had happened that day. As Fang Shifei looked out the window, she finally realized that the sky does turn dark, the sun and moon do rotate, and the new and old are constantly changing, just like life and death. You don't know which day or moment it will come, but when it does, it's so sudden and leaves you powerless.
Outside, Lin Xingyuan was simmering ginseng over a low fire, squatting by the stove, gently fanning with a palm-leaf fan. White smoke curled up, clinging to the mud walls and blue tiles, leaving damp traces.
Fang Shifei sat by Du Ling's bed, lost in thought.
There was a rustling sound nearby. Fang Shifei thought she had imagined it. Then, Du Ling asked with a rough gasp, "How long have I been asleep?"
Fang Shifei tilted her head, shifted slightly, and said in a hoarse voice, "I wouldn't know. When did you fall?"
"Oh, it's dark now." Du Ling glanced out the window. "I heard your classmate came to see you, and I heard you arguing, so I wanted to come out and see. I didn't expect I couldn't even stand anymore. What did you do?"
Fang Shifei chuckled. "That was a year ago. I've forgotten all about it. You slept through it, and the world has changed."
Du Ling ignored her. "Although I am old, thankfully, thanks to my ancestors' blessings, my mind is clear. I won't leave in a muddle."
He opened his eyes and tried to sit up. Fang Shifei helped him up and propped him against the headboard.
Du Ling said, "Now, I am just a burden to you."
Fang Shifei replied, "I think it might be retribution. I exposed and caused the death of He Xingdong's father. So, it wants to take my Master too."
"He Ming was greedy and haggled over every penny. Even if it wasn't for you today, he wouldn't have lasted long. This is his own karma," Du Ling criticized. "This old man is dying a natural death. How can you compare him to that?"
Fang Shifei said, "Yes."
Du Ling looked at her. Fang Shifei lowered her gaze, avoiding his eyes.
A sigh escaped Du Ling's dry throat. "Fang Shifei, you..."
Fang Shifei asked, "What about me?"
Du Ling looked at her deeply, his eyes seemingly filled with a thousand words. There was worry for her, helplessness for himself, regret for the past, and confusion about the future.
How should he speak of her? What could he say about her? She was someone he had taught himself.
In the end, it all turned into a long sigh.
"Fang Shifei," Du Ling said, "My life, Du Ling's life, has been quite eventful. I was born into a family of powerful officials. At sixteen, thanks to my ancestors' favor, I entered officialdom with a position in the Ministry of Revenue and rose steadily. When I was young, I was arrogant and conceited, relying on my talent. Later, I was favored by the Former Emperor and served as the Crown Prince's Groom. I was like brothers with the current Emperor. After the current Emperor ascended the throne, he appointed me as the Junior Tutor to the Crown Prince. After my father passed away, when I was over thirty, he promoted me to Grand Tutor. My official career was as smooth as mine, rare in the court."
"But I knew that nothing was as simple as it seemed. I was just luckier, reaching the top, while below were people who were utterly crushed," Du Ling said. "Fang Shifei, Fang Shifei... I always wanted to bring you back, but it was a pity you were a woman. I was single-minded about my official career, my grand ambitions unfulfilled, unwilling to give up just like that, placing all my hopes on you. Thinking about it now, it's truly laughable. I chose the wrong path, must you also walk down this wrong path?"
Fang Shifei lowered her head and was silent for a moment, then said, "I want to eat cotton meat."
Cotton meat is the meat torn from the sides of the pig's head after the bones are removed, essentially pork cheek meat. When you bite into it, it's as soft and fragrant as biting into cotton, hence the name cotton meat.
Fang Shifei's voice seemed to come from a hollow place, bringing out her own memories. "Once, there was a couple..."
When Fang Shifei was still young, on the Winter Solstice, Du Ling prepared a plate of cotton meat for her.
Fang Shifei disliked that plate of meat very much because it had been left out too long and smelled bad. She thought Du Ling was deliberately trying to get rid of her. Plus, the meat was as soft and fatty as lard, which made her unhappy.
Du Ling sat by the fire, laughing heartily as he told her a joke.
He said:
"Once, there was a couple who heard that a piece of cotton meat from a pig was very delicious. One winter, they used all the grain they had at home to trade with the wealthy family next door for half a bowl of meat. You take a piece, I take a piece. When they got to the end, there was one piece left. So, they started fighting over it. The husband, holding the meat, ran to the riverbank and fell in. Then the wife drowned herself too. See, all for a piece of meat like the one in your hand."
Fang Shifei rolled her eyes and said, "What's so funny about that? Be careful, you'll burn your beard."
She was young then and irritable, poking the fire with a stick, chattering incessantly. "Your story has no beginning or end. What about their children? Their family elders? If you're going to tell a story, tell it properly. Why are you being so sarcastic and nonsensical? Cry when you should cry, laugh when you should laugh. What is this? Anyway, I just think this meat is too disgusting!"
Du Ling silently broke the dry firewood in his hand into small pieces and threw them into the fire one by one.
Fang Shifei looked at him and forced a smile.
Du Ling suddenly looked sorrowful and reached out to gently stroke her face.
His hand had lost its warmth, his palm clean and rough.
He had too many things he wanted to do... things he wanted to change... but he was already old.
Du Ling said, "Then I'll make it for you."
Fang Shifei turned her face away. "I'll go."
Fang Shifei saw Du Ling settled on the bed, wrung out a towel to wipe his face, closed the door, and went out.
There was definitely no cotton meat at home, but there was chicken.
Lin Xingyuan saw her come out and asked, "How is Mr. Du?"
Fang Shifei went to cut the meat and said, "I'll make him something to eat."
Lin Xingyuan watched her take out a knife, sharpen it on both sides, and start deboning. He asked, "What are you making? What about the ginseng soup for the Master?"
Fang Shifei said, "You can take it in."
Lin Xingyuan poured a bowl and brought it to Du Ling. Du Ling nodded at him.
He seemed to be in good spirits, and his mind was very clear.
He came out, looking back every few steps, and stood by the stove again.
Fang Shifei saw him standing there blankly and said, "I'll tell you a joke."
Lin Xingyuan thought to himself, how could he be in the mood for that?
"Once, there was a couple..." Fang Shifei started, then chuckled to herself, and continued laughing as she finished the story. "...Later, they both fell into the water and died."
Lin Xingyuan looked at her worriedly, not understanding what she meant.
"What's so funny about that? Are you... alright?"
Fang Shifei put down the spatula in her hand and asked, "Isn't it funny?"
Lin Xingyuan hesitated for a moment, then shook his head.
Fang Shifei said, "Sometimes you don't know if the joke someone tells is something they witnessed themselves or just pure jest. You don't find it funny, and neither do I."
Lin Xingyuan asked, "Then why are you laughing?"
"What expression should I use then? Cry?" Fang Shifei said. "There are plenty of people waiting for you to cry so they can laugh at you. Crying is useless."
Lin Xingyuan said, "Who has that much free time? If you don't want to cry, then don't cry or laugh."
Fang Shifei put the wooden lid on the pot, sat down on a low stool nearby, and pulled up the corners of her mouth. "But if you think about it carefully, it is funny."
Lin Xingyuan frowned. "What exactly are you talking about?"
"Ha, the power in this world, stinking like rotten meat, can still attract people to flock to it, striving and scheming. Even leading to brothers fighting each other and disowning their own kin. For these people, fame and fortune are within reach," Fang Shifei said. "Some people are diligent and conscientious, swallowing their anger, living in constant fear, not daring to make a single mistake, yet ultimately end up with their families ruined and lives lost. Isn't that funny?"
Lin Xingyuan said, "It's not funny."
Fang Shifei said, "During Emperor Wu of Han's Witchcraft Scandal, Empress Wei Zifu and Crown Prince Liu Ju were successively forced to commit suicide."
"They weren't necessarily framed by treacherous officials; Ban Gu didn't mention it in the Book of Han. Perhaps they committed suicide out of fear of punishment," Lin Xingyuan's voice rose. "Fang Shifei, don't compare these matters of the imperial family. 'The wrath of the Son of Heaven, corpses lie a million deep, blood flows a thousand li.' The power that governs the world is not something that can be distinguished by a few words, right or wrong."
"Are the affairs of the imperial family not affairs? Attending to the affairs of the state is less important than attending to the affairs of the palace, how ridiculous!" Fang Shifei said. "The current Emperor executed the Crown Prince, and all one hundred and twenty-one people in the Eastern Palace were buried with him."
Lin Xingyuan stopped her. "Fang Shifei. The Crown Prince contracted a plague and died at the age of twenty-two at His Majesty's temporary palace."
Fang Shifei fell silent.
Lin Xingyuan sighed again. "Fang Shifei, you weren't in the capital, so you don't know. But back then, the Crown Princess Xie's clan illegally possessed weapons and trained new soldiers. My father personally suppressed them. It was true."
Fang Shifei said, "The heir apparent plotting rebellion is the funniest thing I've ever heard."
Hearing her say this, Lin Xingyuan roughly knew who she was. However, the person in her story and the person in Du Ling's story felt like they weren't the same.
Lin Xingyuan took a deep breath and asked, "Fang Shifei, did you ask Mr. Du who the joke was about?"
"Who it was doesn't matter, and the truth doesn't matter either," Fang Shifei said. "Master taught me these things not because he wanted me to return to the past or worry about things unnecessarily."
Lin Xingyuan could only "Mm" after a long pause.
They sat for a while, and the water in the pot boiled. Fang Shifei stood up, poured in a little sesame oil, and added salt. After cooking for a bit longer, she scooped it out and carried it into the room.
Du Ling was leaning against the couch, his hand resting to one side, his eyes tightly closed. There was a slight curve to his lips, his face serene, showing no sign of pain.
Fang Shifei placed the meat on the ground, checked for his breath, and after a moment, felt for his pulse.
Lin Xingyuan stood behind her nervously, observing her expression. The sounds of breathing filled the room.
Then Fang Shifei stepped back, knelt on the ground, and respectfully kowtowed three times. Lin Xingyuan was deeply saddened and also knelt down, bidding farewell to Du Ling.
Fang Shifei went over and gently laid him flat on the bed, then walked out again.
Lin Xingyuan, worried about her, followed her out.
Fang Shifei sat on the steps by the door, her hands resting on her knees, looking listless. Hearing Lin Xingyuan's footsteps stop behind her, she said, "Master used to say his time was near. I asked him, what is it like when a person dies? He said, they should be crying while laughing. Why cry while laughing? People cry when they are born, must they also cry when they die? He said they must cry. Some people cry when they are born because crying gets them milk. They stop when they grow up. When they are about to die, they finally have the chance to cry freely again, so they should cry."
"But he..." Fang Shifei raised her head, looking at the dim moonlight in the distance. "...In the end, he didn't cry."
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