TGS - Chapter 130
Chapter 130: Facing It
When it came to emotions, Lotus always seemed to be slow.
It had been the same in her past life. When she walked through campus, traveled on the road, or accompanied her parents who loved to show off their daughter, she would usually ignore the gazes cast her way, both overt and subtle.
As long as the other person didn't make their intentions obvious, Lotus would be completely unaware.
But what was the truth of the matter?
During her period of self-healing, Lotus contemplated her current state and began to learn how to step away from her own perspective, to analyze the past that now seemed so distant, yet had shaped her personality, from the viewpoint of an outsider.
Thinking about it carefully, rather than being uniquely slow to emotion, it was more that Lotus actively and unconsciously ignored these minute details.
It was as if her subconscious had judged them as things that required no attention. She neither received them nor acknowledged them. A thin layer of paper separated the inside from the outside, yet it was as tough as armor.
—Even before coming to Solancia, before being sealed within the stone statue of a goddess, Lotus had already put an invisible shell around herself, though she herself was unaware of it.
And when Lotus realized this and tried to analyze her true feelings…
The strange melancholy of guessing who Alyuin might have a crush on, the unconscious rise in temperature under the moonlit night, a heartbeat that would still pound even as a god.
And then there was the sharp pain of a heart clenching so tightly she couldn't breathe the moment she rushed to find the Princess lying unconscious on the ground.
Could these be simply explained away as familial affection and care?
Lotus could not deceive herself, and the long period of contemplation left her no room for self-deception.
After thinking it through, Lotus felt a sense of finality, an "Ah, so that's how it is."
But this couldn't help her make an actual decision.
If she didn't consider too much, the feelings that Lotus had been intentionally or unintentionally suppressing, keeping in a budding state, were more than enough for her to frankly declare: "I like you. I've never felt this way before, only for you."
But she couldn't.
She was the elder, the one in a position of relative honor, and had always been the guide—of course, this last point was slightly undeserved, as Alyuin had been extremely independent since childhood—but regardless, Lotus's role destined her to have more to consider.
A natural chasm separated mortals and gods—duties, lifespans, even their very forms of existence. Once a bond of some kind was formed, the weaker party would undoubtedly be the mortal.
This was a reality that could not be changed by the will of either party.
And in Lotus's view, the more unknown the path ahead, the more one must think it through and confirm both parties' feelings. Otherwise, it was better not to begin at all.
Lotus didn't believe Alyuin hadn't considered these things, but she still asked, still brought it into the open.
Was it a desperate gamble without hope, or was she already prepared to accept any unknowable future?
Lotus had no way of knowing, but she had to take responsibility for the button that started it all.
That phrase, "I feel the same as you," could not be said lightly.
All these considerations, all this thought and deliberation, self-analysis and restraint, became just a simple summary when spoken aloud.
"I don't know."
Alyuin looked at her wordlessly, and Lotus returned her gaze with earnestness and gentleness.
Night had fallen. Outside the window was a deep black, while the lamp on the desk cast a bright orange glow. The shadow of the flame, filtered through the frosted lampshade, flickered on their opposing profiles.
It created an extraordinary sense of tranquility and permanence.
Finally, Alyuin tucked a few strands of black hair from her cheek behind her ear. Her gaze shifted slightly, and as if thinking of something, the corners of her lips curved into an unreadable arc.
"I didn't expect that answer."
"If Lena hadn't suddenly arrived on the day you left, would you have given me the same response?"
Lotus shook her head.
Alyuin raised an eyebrow. "Hmm, so this is a conclusion you reached after some thought."
Lotus could only smile.
"Alright, I understand."
Alyuin said, her expression faint, making it unclear what she understood.
But she then took a step forward, closing the distance between them. "One last question. Did you leave so suddenly back then because you cured my poison?"
The unusual pallor of her face at the time, leaving without a word, and having the messenger of the Goddess of Love and Desire deliver a message…
If these actions weren't out of disgust, then what could they be for?
The Yilu River Goddess of myth could turn her hand to create clouds and rain. She decided the course of wars, presided over the destinies of mortals, and with a wave of her hand, brought forth rain and snow, made rivers flow backward, and inundated the land with floods.
In their years together, Lotus had never done such things.
Alyuin had always thought she was simply unwilling to interfere, but if that wasn't the case—
Alyuin stared intently at Lotus.
Lotus sighed imperceptibly, sidestepping the main point. "That was part of the reason, but not all of it. A god won't be harmed just by curing snake venom."
Alyuin didn't say whether she believed it or not, though her eyes suggested the latter.
The Princess suddenly took Lotus's hand. Lotus flinched slightly but didn't move, allowing Alyuin to bring the hand to her lips and kiss the fingertips.
Starting from the index finger, she moved from one to the next.
Her lips parted slightly, and one could faintly feel their moistness. Lotus remained perfectly still, watching as Alyuin kissed her way to the little finger, then tilted her head and bit down, not too hard, not too soft.
Half-covered, half-exposed, the pressure of her teeth made the part of the little finger outside her lips turn pale from lack of blood, only to quickly turn red again upon release, leaving a small tooth mark as a gift.
Lotus: "..."
Alyuin still held the hand that had been so thoroughly kissed and then inexplicably bitten. She said softly, "If something like that happens again, just leave me be."
"...What kind of talk is that?"
"Facing a fatal situation only proves my luck is bad and my skills are inferior. I don't need a god to save me."
Alyuin's tone sounded almost teasing. She thought to herself that if that day ever came, and her soul left her body at her funeral to fall into the Yilu River, she simply wouldn't leave. She had no desire to travel upstream to see the Death God, and Lotus surely couldn't force her into reincarnation.
Lotus wanted to sigh again. She raised her hand, intending to give Alyuin a light pat on the back of the head, but paused mid-air before finally following her heart and patting her.
Alyuin let out a perfunctory "Hiss."
Lotus's lips were pressed into a straight line.
The Princess glanced at her expression and finally switched to a solemn tone.
"I'm joking. Even if it's for you, I won't let myself fall into that kind of situation again."
After speaking, Alyuin looked up and smiled lightly.
This was the first smile she had shown since they reunited, one that carried a sense of ease and relief.
Neither of them continued the initial topic, as if tacitly agreeing to set it aside for now.
It was only set aside on the surface.
Lotus fiddled with her scarlet-gold bracelet, unsure if she should be relieved or more concerned.
Let's just take it one step at a time, she thought, until the day we can truly speak clearly.
It was getting late. Lotus collected her thoughts and turned to business.
The situation at the border was something that had to be discussed.
Alyuin spoke first, "The urgent reports I've received say the Sanur tribe has gathered a large army and is attacking Digebia City. Their scale and tactics are different from the past. The situation is not optimistic."
Lotus said gravely, "Digebia City has been captured. The lord was killed in battle, just today."
On the stone platform in the Kingdom of the Gods, a mirror formed by their collective divine power had shown the scene. The city gates had been breached, and though some Solancian soldiers were still fighting desperately, defeat was certain.
The body of the old lord, Hephit, was pinned to the top of the wall with a spear. His eyes were wide with fury, his helmet had been knocked off, and his graying hair was disheveled.
Although Alyuin was already mentally prepared, she still clenched her fists, a cold glint in her eyes. "...Sanur."
"Kasnie was also involved in this attack," Lotus added.
"Kasnie? I'm afraid they were the ones who instigated it." Alyuin paused. "The man who created the poison incense was sent by Kasnie, and then there's Asilu—"
"She is a shadow of Kasnie's Goddess of the Mind."
"So it was her. I followed the Perfumer's trail to Asilu, but she threw herself from a high platform and died. As expected, she didn't really die."
It seemed that Asilu had been reclaimed by the Goddess of the Mind and had returned to being a shadow.
Lotus recalled the deep blue eyes of that foreign god and frowned subconsciously.
Just then, Alyuin said thoughtfully, "With the Dream Succubus infiltrating Akhet this time, does it mean there's been some upheaval among the gods?"
The Princess was indeed sharp.
Lotus nodded and spoke of the divine war.
There was no need to elaborate on abstruse concepts like spacetime and destiny for now, as knowing them wouldn't be of much use. But Alyuin would certainly need to be prepared for the fact that the gods would interfere in the wars of the mortal realm.
Alyuin listened with rapt attention, not interrupting once.
The smile that had just been in her eyes vanished, replaced by an unconscious gravity and solemnity, offering a glimpse of the authority she had displayed before others recently.
Speaking of recently…
After recounting what she knew, Lotus looked around. Before she had returned to the Kingdom of the Gods to slumber, this office had been Horst's.
Now, everything was new. Not a trace of Horst remained; everything in sight was arranged according to Alyuin's preferences.
Lotus asked the question she'd wanted to ask since she arrived: "Have you already taken this position?"
In other words, had Horst been dealt with?
In truth, when a god first awakens from slumber, they usually review the major events that occurred in the mortal world through a viewing mirror inside their temple.
However, not only had Lotus sensed the start of the divine war the moment she awoke and rushed to the stone platform, but this was also only her second slumber. She hadn't yet developed the habit, which was why she was completely ignorant of the situation in the mortal realm.
Previously, Lotus would not have asked so directly. After all, she was the "all-knowing Yilu River Goddess whose gaze is always upon humanity."
However, it was time to shatter this false impression, to gradually let Alyuin see more of the truth, and to let her understand her real choices.
"Horst has fled to Bananna City," Alyuin said concisely, not noticing anything amiss.
It couldn't be helped; the Princess had long known that Lotus wasn't actually watching all the time. Otherwise, how could she have hidden herself until four years ago?
"As for the throne—I have not yet been crowned."
Lotus nodded, her expression questioning.
Alyuin said, "I told them that I will wait until my father and mother are moved to the royal mausoleum, and until Horst is captured and brought back to the capital to kneel and repent before the mausoleum. Only then can I be crowned in peace and officially ascend the throne."
Lotus heard the implication. "And in reality?"
"In reality, I wanted to delay it a little," Alyuin said, blinking. "I wanted you to see it."
Lotus looked at her, suddenly not knowing how to respond.
Her heart leaped in her chest, as if it had skipped a beat before returning to normal.
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