Our Love, A Public Service - Chapter 86
Extra: Ning Qian and Wen Jin (4)
"Don't avoid me anymore…" Wen Jin pleaded, her gaze fixed on Ning Qian's, their faces only inches apart.
Their relationship had begun with a mistake, a drunken night, nothing beautiful about it. But Wen Jin couldn't escape it, she couldn't treat Ning Qian as just a friend, or a stranger.
A seed had been planted in her heart, growing wildly like a weed.
During her most vulnerable moments, needing comfort, it was Ning Qian who had silently been there for her, as a friend. Wen Jin couldn't help but think about the times they spent together, the feeling transcending friendship, her affection for Ning Qian perhaps stemming from gratitude initially, but now, it was more than just gratitude.
Seeing Ning Qian's sadness, her deliberate distance, Wen Jin wanted to do something, to say something, to make amends, but she didn't know how.
What had happened between them, Ning Qian not accepting her, was understandable.
"Please, forgive me." Wen Jin pleaded again, reaching out to gently caress Ning Qian's face, her touch unusually tender. She knew Ning Qian was still hurting and wanted to do something, anything, to ease her pain.
Emotions weren't always controllable, and Ning Qian's heart pounded in her chest, especially seeing the earnest look in Wen Jin's eyes as she reached out to touch her face.
In the past, even the slightest intimacy from Wen Jin would send her mind racing, let alone now, with Wen Jin's gaze so tender, so affectionate, so… ambiguous.
This was something Ning Qian hadn't dared to even dream of, and she tried to calm her racing heart. "I've never blamed you."
And it was true; how could she blame Wen Jin? Even after that night, after Wen Jin told her she was married, Ning Qian had only blamed herself for being drunk and impulsive.
Later, learning about Wen Jin's situation, all she felt was heartache, her beloved goddess betrayed and hurt, she wished she could have taken the pain for her. She loved Wen Jin, a love that bordered on obsession.
The pain stemmed from the shattering of her most cherished dream. Ning Qian still couldn't bear to recall that morning, Wen Jin's words, "I'm married," taking her from heaven to hell, a pain that still lingered in her heart.
"I wish you would blame me…" Wen Jin said softly, she didn't want Ning Qian to shoulder all the blame and pain, pretending to be strong and indifferent, acting like everything was in the past.
Ning Qian lowered her gaze. "It's over."
Wen Jin leaned closer, her eyes closing as she embraced Ning Qian again, holding her tight, reluctant to let go, enjoying the feeling, even though it was a woman in her arms, she didn't want to let go.
But the embrace wasn't returned…
Ning Qian sat there stiffly, the woman she had loved for ten years now holding her, and yet she couldn't bring herself to reciprocate the embrace.
Perhaps she had loved too much, and she was tired.
When she had finally decided to let go of Wen Jin, she had felt an unprecedented sense of relief, forgetting Wen Jin meant getting rid of her greatest burden.
"Are you feeling better?" Wen Jin asked, gently nuzzling Ning Qian's hair, her voice soft and tired. "Yes, much better."
Her voice, her closeness, Ning Qian couldn't resist. Was she about to fall back into the quicksand she had finally escaped?
Ning Qian's mind was in turmoil. Wen Jin always had this effect on her, unintentional before, deliberate now.
After a moment of silence, Ning Qian pushed Wen Jin away, putting some distance between them, maintaining the appropriate distance for ordinary friends.
The warmth of the embrace still lingered as Wen Jin watched Ning Qian stand up, her arms feeling empty.
Ning Qian was still rejecting her.
"You should get some rest, I'll be going now." Ning Qian picked up her bag, her heart aching, but she tried to appear nonchalant as she turned to leave.
Wen Jin stood up. "It's late, just stay here tonight, I'll get the guest room ready for you."
"No, thank you." Ning Qian insisted on leaving.
Wen Jin also stood up. She understood Ning Qian's feelings, knew she needed time, but she hoped Ning Qian wouldn't disappear from her life again like last year.
They could take it slow.
"Text me when you get to the hotel, my number hasn't changed…" Wen Jin hesitated. "Do you still have my number?"
Ning Qian just glanced at Wen Jin, didn't reply, and left, her heart pounding.
Wen Jin watched Ning Qian disappear, then stood there for a long time, lost in thought.
Ning Qian, also deep in thought, sat in the backseat of the taxi, the driver having to ask her destination twice before she finally responded.
Ning Qian leaned back against the seat, looking out the window, her thoughts as fleeting as the passing scenery. It had taken her a long time to convince herself that she and Wen Jin weren't meant to be, liking Wen Jin was too painful, she should move on.
And yet, Wen Jin was now cautiously trying to get closer to her again…
Back in her empty hotel room, Ning Qian wearily took off her coat. There was an unread message on her phone. She looked at it; it was a message from five minutes ago, asking if she had arrived safely. The number wasn't saved in her contacts, but Ning Qian recognized it as Wen Jin's.
After leaving L City, Ning Qian had deleted all of Wen Jin's contact information and even changed her own number. Wen Jin must have gotten her new number from their former classmates.
Ning Qian lay down on the sofa, still holding her phone, staring at the message, then closed her eyes and sighed.
Just then, her phone vibrated, a new message on WeChat. It was from the person she was supposed to meet on a blind date tomorrow. She had thought the class president was just joking, but it seemed he had actually arranged it.
Her name was Lin Man, a senior executive at a foreign company, also a returnee. Ning Qian had seen her picture; she was Ning Qian's type, with beautiful long hair, elegant and mature. More importantly, this Miss Lin was also interested in her.
Liking someone like this would be much easier, wouldn't it?
Ning Qian's dating history was rather sparse. She had tried dating a couple of times while abroad, mainly to try and forget Wen Jin, thinking perhaps love wasn't as wonderful as people claimed, perhaps she had just never experienced mutual affection.
Looking at her phone, Ning Qian hesitated. Wen Jin, or Lin Man, she had a choice to make.
Ning Qian went on the date the next day, having even put extra effort into her appearance, thinking she should give herself more chances.
"You're even more beautiful in person."
"So are you." Ning Qian accepted the bouquet of flowers Lin Man offered her. "Thank you."
Lin Man clearly knew how to treat a woman, her romantic gestures evident, from choosing this elegant restaurant to her thoughtful words. Ning Qian accepted her advances; just as Jing Rui had said, if she was willing to give others a chance, she wouldn't have to worry about being alone.
"Want to watch a movie after dinner?"
"Come on, do we have to follow the standard dating script?" Ning Qian chuckled, not particularly interested in watching a movie.
"Then what do you want to do? I'll go with you anywhere."
"How about going for a drink?"
"Sure."
It had been a year since she last visited N Bar. When Ning Qian arrived, Chi Jia happened to be performing. Seeing Chi Jia glancing repeatedly towards a fixed point in the audience as she sang, Ning Qian knew Jing Rui must also be there.
A woman in love, there was a certain glow about her.
"Checking out the pretty girl?" Lin Man asked, following Ning Qian's gaze.
"If I was checking her out, someone would skin me alive. She's a friend's girlfriend, she used to work for me, she's a good singer." Ning Qian said, taking a sip of her drink, her gaze falling on Jing Rui, who was sitting not far from them, listening intently to the music, a happy smile on her face.
After finishing her song, Chi Jia went straight towards Jing Rui, the two of them, as always, openly affectionate, kissing in public without a care.
Ning Qian had initially wanted to go over and say , but before she could stand up, Chi Jia and Jing Rui left, heading backstage…
Even Jing Rui had settled down, found love, what a miracle.
Ning Qian truly envied Jing Rui, a notorious player who had finally found someone she truly loved. It seemed timing truly was everything.
"Are you alright? You seem a bit down." Lin Man asked, noticing Ning Qian's distracted expression.
"I'm perfectly fine."
"You don't look fine, not from the way you're drinking."
"Just tired from the business trip, I guess."
Wen Jin was sitting alone at the bar, at Ning Qian's usual spot. She had finally run into Ning Qian tonight, but Ning Qian was with another woman, chatting and laughing.
Ning Qian, on her way to the restroom, spotted Wen Jin and quickly walked past.
As midnight approached, the atmosphere in the bar became more lively.
"To thank you for keeping me company tonight, how about dinner and a movie tomorrow? My treat." Ning Qian smiled at Lin Man, trying to appear cheerful.
"I'll have to decline." Lin Man put down her glass.
"Why?"
"That beautiful woman, is she your ex-girlfriend?" Lin Man, looking at Wen Jin, said, her intuition and observation telling her, "She's been looking at you all night, and while you were talking to me, you looked at her at least twenty-one times, by my count."
"Did I?"
"Yes, you did. You probably didn't even notice, you're used to it."
Ning Qian felt like Lin Man's words had hit the mark; her attention and affection for Wen Jin had indeed become a habit.
"Your ex-girlfriend is so beautiful, I wouldn't be able to let go either."
Ning Qian corrected her. "You misunderstood, she's not my ex-girlfriend."
"You like her."
Hearing those words, Ning Qian didn't deny it, a silent admission.
"It was nice meeting you, but I'm afraid we can't continue this. I have a thing about emotional baggage, and in my opinion, having feelings for someone else while dating someone new is a form of cheating."
Lin Man turned and left, leaving Ning Qian alone. Ning Qian had two more drinks, then also prepared to leave.
Wen Jin walked over to her, and they looked at each other in silence for a moment before she finally asked, "How did it go?"
"It was fine, not the right one, there will be others." Ning Qian said casually. "The class president is a bit too enthusiastic, as if he's afraid I'll never get married, he's already introduced me to several people."
Wen Jin hesitated. If Ning Qian truly didn't want anything to do with her, was there any point in pursuing her?
Back at the hotel, Ning Qian went straight to bed, exhausted from work and blind dates.
At 10 AM, Ning Qian was still asleep when a phone call woke her up. She squinted at the screen. "Class president? What is it?"
"You're still in L City, right?"
"Yes, I'm leaving tomorrow."
"Then… are you free tonight?"
"What's up?" Ning Qian sensed his hesitation.
"I have a friend, a very beautiful one, and she's also single… would you be interested in having dinner with her tonight?"
"A blind date?" Ning Qian clarified.
"Yes."
"I think I'll pass."
"Qianqian, but I've already agreed. Just do me a favor this time, there won't be a next time."
Ning Qian, known for her agreeable nature, didn't want to make things difficult for the class president. "Fine…"
"I've already booked a table, I'll send you the address later."
"Okay." Ning Qian hung up, a wry smile on her face. She shouldn't have lied; she had just told Wen Jin she had a blind date, and now, she actually had one.
At 7:15 PM, Ning Qian arrived early at the restaurant, her makeup light and casual, her attire simple and comfortable.
Her date hadn't arrived yet, and the waiter brought her a cup of tea. Ning Qian browsed a magazine as she sipped her tea.
Five minutes later, footsteps approached.
"Right this way, please."
"Thank you."
Ning Qian looked up and froze, seriously suspecting Wen Jin had installed a GPS tracker on her; how did she find her, wherever she went?
One elegantly dressed, the other casual and understated, Ning Qian and Wen Jin were a stark contrast. Seeing Wen Jin about to sit down opposite her without a word, Ning Qian put down her magazine. "I have a date tonight..."
"Me too."
Ning Qian suddenly realized, the class president's hesitant tone that morning, he had set her up with Wen Jin. "He set you up on a blind date… with a woman?!"
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