Mr. Lizard Outside the Window - Chapter 52

Chapter 52: Banxia in the Mist

Thinking back, there had been so many signs, so many things that hadn't quite added up.

Xiao Lian was usually gentle and reserved, his restraint and politeness ingrained in his very being.

Even in his gecko form, he would sit up straight and listen attentively when she spoke to him.

And even in the darkness of their intimacy, when she whispered sweet nothings in his ear, coaxing him, teasing him, it had been difficult to draw out those soft moans, those sounds of pleasure.

He had never been as… unrestrained as he had been these past few nights, their lovemaking passionate and uninhibited, their bodies entwined, the sweet fragrance of him clinging to her skin.

He had always enjoyed her company, but he also had his own pursuits, his own world.

Lately, he had been unusually clingy, wanting to spend every moment with her, his dark gold eyes always on her, a constant, unwavering gaze.

The more she thought about it, the more uneasy she felt, the pieces of the puzzle slowly falling into place.

There had been so many red flags, and she, in her preoccupation with the competition, had been oblivious.

Something is wrong, she thought. He knows it, but he won't tell me.

She sent him countless messages, her phone filled with unanswered questions, the green chat bubbles mocking her with their silence.

His profile picture, the little black gecko, never appeared online.

Anger and worry warred within her.

She was angry at his sudden departure, his silence, his refusal to confide in her.

And she worried about him, the worry a constant ache, a gnawing anxiety that made it hard to eat, hard to sleep.

She hadn't realized how deeply she cared for him, how much he had become a part of her life, until he was gone.

The nights were the worst. She would sit alone in the darkness, staring at the empty window, the cold stove, the cold bed, the coldness seeping into her very bones.

She tried to think of where he might have gone, but she realized she knew so little about him.

She had laughed and cried with him, shared her hopes and dreams, her fears and insecurities, her triumphs and disappointments.

But she had never asked about his past, his family, his dreams, his fears.

She had thought there was time, plenty of time, a lifetime to learn about each other, to unravel their secrets, to build their future together.

Now, she didn't even know where to start looking for him.

She had always known his love for her was a quiet, steady presence, a gentle rain nourishing her soul, not a fiery passion expressed in grand gestures or sweet words, but a deep, abiding affection woven into the fabric of their everyday life, the delicious meals he prepared, his patient companionship, his unwavering support.

And now that he was gone, she realized how much she craved that quiet love, how much she had come to rely on it, how much it had become a part of her.

She searched for him everywhere, a frantic, desperate search for a tiny black lizard in a vast, indifferent city.

She wandered aimlessly through the bamboo grove on campus, searched the longan trees behind Ying Jie's building, even rode the subway to every station they had visited together, hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

She posted on online forums, offering a reward, all her savings, for any information about a small, black gecko.

Like a trapped animal, she paced restlessly, her world shrinking to the size of her search, her hope dwindling with each passing day.

He had said he would be gone for a few days. But the days stretched into weeks, his silence unbroken.

Her only connection to him was his profile picture on her phone, the little black gecko, a silent, unchanging image, never the comforting "typing…" notification, never a message popping up on her screen.

He had always been so considerate, so attuned to her emotions, never leaving her feeling anxious or neglected.

This silence, this absence, was a wound that cut deep, a constant ache in her heart.

It made her angry, it made her sad, and it made her love him even more, the worry and longing consuming her, twisting her insides.

---

Pan Xuemei was the first to notice something was wrong.

Her friend, the newly crowned national champion, had changed.

At first, she had just seemed… distracted, lost in thought. Then, she had become restless, almost frantic, searching every corner of the campus, as if looking for something lost.

And now, she was withdrawn, her usual cheerfulness replaced by a quiet gloom.

She no longer brought her carefully prepared lunchboxes to school, picking listlessly at the cafeteria food.

Even the lotus root and pork rib soup, her favorite, she barely touched.

"Did you… break up with your boyfriend?" Pan Xuemei finally asked, her voice hesitant.

Banxia poked at her food, then after a moment, nodded. "He left."

"What?! Why?!" Pan Xuemei exclaimed, slamming her hand on the table, then quickly lowering her voice as other students turned to look at them. "Don't be sad, Xia! He's not worth it! Good riddance! There are plenty of other fish in the sea! Why waste your time on someone who doesn't appreciate you?"

Banxia sipped her soup, her expression unchanged. "Mm-hmm."

"You're beautiful, talented, with a bright future ahead of you! You're better off without him! He's the one who lost out!"

Banxia simply nodded, finishing her soup, then stood up to go to the practice room. As she left, she added, almost as an afterthought, "He's not… stupid."

Pan Xuemei, exasperated, watched her go.

Banxia seemed to be handling the breakup better than most. She wasn't wallowing in self-pity, she wasn't crying or making a scene. The only difference was the absence of her usual smile and her obsessive focus on practicing, her violin her only solace.

If Pan Xuemei didn't drag her out for meals, she suspected Banxia would spend every waking moment in the practice room, the raw, untamed energy of her music, the anger and frustration pouring out through the soundproof walls, echoing endlessly.

Heartbreak was a common occurrence in the girls' dormitory. Some cried on their friends' shoulders, others sought solace in alcohol, needing to vent, to release their emotions.

Banxia's quiet grief was more worrying.

Feeling out of her depth, Pan Xuemei turned to her roommates for help.

"Banxia's boyfriend left her? Is he insane?! She's amazing! Beautiful, talented, kind… who would leave her?!"

"He must be blind! Or stupid! I'm a girl, and even I have a crush on her!"

"Men are trash! All of them!"

"Okay, calm down. We need to find her someone better, someone who will appreciate her, make that idiot regret what he's done!"

"Yes! Operation Find-Banxia-a-Boyfriend is a go!"

The three girls, none of whom had boyfriends themselves, exchanged glances.

"So… who's going to… find this boyfriend?"

---

One evening, Banxia's friends dragged her out for a gathering.

She hadn't been in the mood, but she couldn't refuse her friends' insistent pleas. And she knew she needed a break. She had become almost obsessive about practicing, losing herself in the music, the endless hours of practice, the physical exhaustion, the only way to quiet the restless anxiety that gnawed at her.

She practiced until her joints ached, her fingers trembled, yet she couldn't stop.

It wasn't healthy.

Xiao Lian told me to wait for him, she thought. Even if I can't find him, I should be patient, wait for him to come back.

But knowing something and doing it were two different things.

Perhaps spending time with her friends would help.

Before leaving, they dragged her to Pan Xuemei's dorm room, styled her hair, and even applied some light makeup.

When she arrived, Banxia realized it wasn't just her female friends. Several boys were there too.

Wei Zhiming, her former accompanist, had brought a few of his friends from the piano department and other departments, some familiar faces, some strangers.

They were all music students, most of them from well-off families, handsome and charming in their own way.

They decided to go to an escape room, choosing a popular, elaborately designed venue, and, for some reason, a horror-themed room based on The Phantom of the Opera.

For thrills and bonding, they had said.

Banxia, having never been to an escape room before, asked about the rules, and a tall boy from the brass department reassured her, "Don't worry, just stay close to me. I'll protect you."

Fresh from her victory at the national competition, Banxia was a bit of a celebrity on campus. And she was pretty, her easygoing personality making her even more approachable.

Several of the boys seemed interested in her.

Wei Zhiming, finding a moment alone with her, said, "I heard about your… breakup. I think maybe… my advice was… not very helpful. I'm sorry if I… scared him away."

Banxia gave him a look, her eyes dark and unreadable.

Wei Zhiming, thinking he had hit a nerve, felt a pang of guilt. He liked Banxia. He just seemed to have a knack for saying the wrong thing, making things awkward.

"Don't worry, just… act a little more… feminine tonight. If you see anyone you like, just scream and hide behind him when things get scary. Guaranteed success," he advised her earnestly.

He thought she was pretty, in an unconventional way, her slender figure, pale skin, bright eyes, and long, straight black hair giving her a unique charm.

If she clung to a guy's arm, her eyes wide with fear, her voice trembling… which guy could resist?

Having messed up their piano accompaniment and then given her terrible relationship advice, Wei Zhiming was determined to redeem himself.

He had carefully chosen a group of "high-quality" male students from his circle of friends, all from good families, all relatively decent, none of them known for being players.

He wanted to do something nice for her, help her find someone… better.

They entered the "opera house," the eerie music setting the mood. The room was designed like the back of a clock tower, the narrow corridors dimly lit, giant gears turning slowly on the walls, the ticking of clocks echoing in the darkness, punctuated by occasional sighs and whispers.

The boys walked ahead, trying to appear brave. The girls followed, holding hands, their footsteps hesitant in the unfamiliar, dimly lit space.

Suddenly, a figure in a mask dropped down from the ceiling, a flashlight illuminating its pale face, its long tongue lolling out at the tall boy from the brass department.

The boy, demonstrating his impressive lung capacity, let out a bloodcurdling scream, his panicked cry startling the others, who scattered in terror.

The room was small, and they bumped into each other in their frantic attempt to escape.

Then, a slender figure with long, straight black hair pushed through the crowd and grabbed the "phantom" by the collar, pulling him down from the ceiling and pinning him to the floor.

Her hair fell around her face, her eyes blazing with fury, as she ripped off his mask, her gaze piercing.

As if she had been waiting for this moment, determined to unmask the monster lurking in the shadows.

"Hey, hey, easy there!" the escape room employee protested, his voice trembling. "I'm just an actor! I'm not a real phantom!"

Where did this girl get her strength from? he wondered, as she, so small and slender, easily overpowered him.

This job is getting harder and harder, he thought ruefully.

---

After they emerged from the escape room, Banxia seemed more relaxed.

"That was… interesting. Quite cathartic, actually," she said, stretching her arms, letting out a deep breath.

"It was fun! A bit scary, but exciting!" Shang Xiaoyue giggled, having forgotten the real purpose of their outing.

Pan Xuemei and Qiao Xin, still shaken by the experience, exchanged exasperated glances.

We went to all this trouble, dragging Wei Zhiming and his friends here, and you're just… enjoying the escape room? You're scaring away all the boys!

They decided on a second venue, a quieter teahouse by the lake.

Tea, snacks, polite conversation about music… a more civilized setting, they thought.

"Banxia, you're the national champion! Play something for us! The scenery here is so beautiful! It'll be… inspiring!" Pan Xuemei suggested, doing her best to showcase her friend's talent.

Banxia, having been dragged here straight from the practice room, her violin, the Adelina, in hand, readily agreed.

She stood by the water's edge, her long hair swaying in the breeze, the beautiful instrument gleaming in the sunlight, a picturesque scene.

Yes, that's it, Pan Xuemei thought. With her skill, a beautiful melody, a heartfelt performance… who could resist?

Even that little outburst in the escape room will be forgotten, Wei Zhiming thought, pleased.

But as the music began, the melody dark and brooding, Wei Zhiming frowned and turned to Shang Xiaoyue. "What piece is she playing?"

Shang Xiaoyue, glancing at the musically illiterate piano student, resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She decided to be charitable, not wanting to embarrass him further. "Mahler. Symphony No. 1, 'Titan'."

"Mahler? Now? Seriously?" Wei Zhiming wanted to cry. "Why not something… romantic? Like 'River Flows in You' or 'Salut d'Amour'?"

"The third movement of 'Titan' is a funeral march," Shang Xiaoyue said, her expression unchanged. "It explores themes of life and death. It's a very profound work. Banxia's interpretation is quite compelling."

I said romance! Love! Not death and funerals! With such beautiful scenery! What are these girls thinking?! Don't they know anything about romance? Wei Zhiming thought, exasperated, rubbing his forehead.

The breeze stirred Banxia's hair, and for a moment, she felt the familiar weight on her shoulder.

She remembered Xiao Lian saying that Mahler was his favorite composer.

And as she played, she felt a glimpse of his world, of how he saw the world.

To him, all humans must seem like titans, she thought.

Mahler's "Titan" was a strange and unsettling work, its dissonant melodies evoking images of monsters and spirits, demons and gods, a world of struggle and suffering, of fear and the unknown.

The eternal question of life and death echoed through the music.

Unlike Beethoven, Mahler didn't offer easy answers, didn't try to conquer fate with heroic defiance. He explored the mysteries of existence with a delicate sensitivity, his music a journey of philosophical exploration.

Even in the final movement, there was no resolution, no easy answers. But it didn't diminish the power and beauty of his music.

Xiao Lian wasn't like her, or like Beethoven. They had different personalities, different ways of seeing the world. And for the first time, through his favorite music, she felt a true connection to his inner world.

As the music ended, the final notes lingering in the air, a sense of awe, of something vast and unknowable, settled over the listeners.

The tall boy from the brass department turned to Wei Zhiming, his voice hushed. "Dude… this girl is… intense. Way out of my league."

The mixer, though enjoyable, hadn't quite gone as planned.

The girls, their arms linked, excitedly discussing music theory and philosophy, seemed oblivious to the boys' attempts at flirtation.

---

Wei Zhiming drove Banxia home, sighing and muttering under his breath.

Banxia didn't hear him. She was still lost in the music, Mahler's haunting melodies echoing in her mind, Xiao Lian's dark eyes superimposed on the images conjured by the music.

His low, soft voice echoed in her memory.

"Mahler's music is filled with existential struggle. He was searching for redemption."

"My time is getting shorter."

"I don't have much time left."

"Give me a little more time. I'll tell you everything… soon."

It wasn't until Wei Zhiming opened the car door that she snapped out of her reverie. "Oh, we're here already."

Wei Zhiming sighed. "Banxia, you're… intimidating. Most guys wouldn't even dare approach you. I don't know this Ling Dong guy, but I think you two would be a good match. Both of you are… otherworldly, in your own way."

He didn't know that the very person he was talking about was watching them from the window above.

Banxia, her makeup light, her long hair flowing around her shoulders, stepped out of the car, her aura still radiating the power and confidence of her performance, a chilling beauty that made her seem almost untouchable.

From the third-floor window, a small, black figure watched her, its gaze fixed on her, a silent farewell.

She seems better, he thought. Not as lost and heartbroken as she was when I left. Being with her friends, the busy schedule, the upcoming performances… it's helping her heal. She'll be back to her old self soon.

It's better this way, he thought. Better for her to think I've just… left, than to watch me disappear, to watch me die.

But even as he thought this, a wave of sadness washed over him, a deep, aching grief, like a storm-tossed ocean battering against a melting iceberg.

He heard her footsteps on the stairs, the familiar sound of her door opening and closing.

And then, from the apartment next door, the mournful melody of a violin, the familiar strains of "The Phantom of the Opera," echoing through the wall.

The haunting melody, the lyrics echoing in his mind: "In sleep he sang to me… That voice which calls to me…"

"Sing once again with me… Our strange duet…"

His heart sank, a pale hand reaching out from the depths, tearing it apart.

He transformed, drawn to the music, and sat down at his piano, the instrument placed against the wall, as close to her as he could be.

His pale fingers, unused to the sunlight, hovered over the keys, then slowly descended.

---

Banxia hadn't turned on the light. She sat in the darkness of her empty apartment, then, for some reason, picked up her violin and began to play "The Phantom of the Opera."

The mournful melody echoed in the silence, then a gentle piano accompaniment joined in, the violin soaring like a soprano's lament, the piano a soft, comforting baritone, a constant, unwavering presence.

The two instruments intertwined, their voices merging into a haunting duet.

Ling Dong stopped playing.

The pain and regret in his heart seemed to fade, replaced by a quiet melancholy, a bittersweet longing.

Let her go, he thought. Let her be happy. But it didn't stop him from missing her, from replaying the memories of their shared nights, the sweet fragrance of their intimacy, the warmth of her touch.

A few teardrops fell onto the white piano keys.

Next door, the violinist, her back against the wall, stopped playing, a strange feeling stirring within her, a sense of… closeness, yet separated by an invisible barrier, a thin membrane she couldn't quite break through.

She stood up, as if guided by instinct, straightened her clothes, and walked to the door, a strange compulsion pulling her towards him.

She knocked on his door.

The apartment was dark and silent.

The closed door, like a silent sentinel, offered no response.

But just moments ago, they had been playing together, their music a perfect, harmonious duet.

She knocked again. "Senior Ling Dong? It's Banxia. Can I talk to you?"

After a long silence, the door opened a crack.

He stood there, in the darkness, his pale, beautiful face the only thing visible, his clothes askew, his eyes red-rimmed, his skin as white as snow, his gaze a mixture of longing and fear, resentment and tenderness, so complex and unreadable that Banxia forgot what she had wanted to say.

"I… I'm sorry to bother you, Senior," she finally stammered. "I… I have a gecko, a lizard. He's… missing. I've been looking for him everywhere. I was wondering if you… had seen him."

He was much taller than her, his beautiful eyes looking down at her from the darkness, his expression unreadable. She couldn't tell if he was angry at being disturbed.

"I haven't seen him," he finally said, his voice low. "It's just a pet. If it's lost, it's lost. Don't worry about it."

"He's not just a pet," Banxia said quickly. "He's… he's very important to me."

Her words were ambiguous. Many pet owners said that, their pets like family.

She wasn't sure if he understood, but his expression seemed to soften.

He stood there, his lips pressed together, his eyes shimmering with a complex mix of emotions, sadness, longing, a barely contained… something.

The colored lights of his MIDI keyboard and synthesizers glowed faintly in the darkness behind him, creating a dreamlike atmosphere.

Banxia took a step closer.

His expression suddenly changed. He slammed the door shut.

"I haven't seen him. Don't knock on my door. Don't bother me again," he said coldly, his voice harsh, the words echoing in the hallway.

Banxia stood there, stunned, her mind reeling, the pieces of the puzzle swirling around her, refusing to fall into place.

---

Inside the dark apartment, a pair of pajamas lay on the floor. A small black gecko crawled out from beneath them and sat with its back to the door, its body trembling.

He had shut her out, shut out his entire world.

He heard her footsteps retreating down the hallway, the sound fading into silence.

A wave of loneliness washed over him, cold and dark, engulfing him completely.

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