Mr. Lizard Outside the Window - Chapter 24
Chapter 24: The Dress in My Dreams
Banxia sat on the steps behind Bluegrass Cafe, leisurely playing her violin.
The alleyway was dimly lit, the ground muddy. A garbage truck stopped at the entrance, and sanitation workers hurried forward, dragging two large bins, their feet splashing through the dirty water.
Old He, the resident singer from the bar next door, and a few other men squatted against the wall, drinking beer and eating boiled peanuts.
A few young women leaned against the metal steps of the bar, smoking slim cigarettes, comparing their freshly manicured nails.
Banxia's violin music drifted through the smoky alleyway and out onto the clean, respectable street beyond.
A small black gecko peeked out of her coat pocket. After listening to the music for a moment, it crawled out, across her clothes, and onto her lap.
It sat there, its little head raised, watching her play. It paced nervously on her lap, then climbed up her coat and onto her shoulder.
Finally, it settled down and seemed to whisper something in her ear.
Banxia stopped playing and turned to look at him, smiling. "No, I'm not feeling down. Why do you ask?"
Across the alleyway, the young women exclaimed dramatically, "Ew, look! That girl has a lizard!"
"That's so creepy! It gives me the chills!"
"Gross! Why would anyone keep such a disgusting pet?"
Banxia scooped up Xiao Lian, who was about to retreat back into her pocket, and held him firmly in her hand.
Leaning against the railing, she held him up in the orange light, deliberately stroking him from head to tail in full view of the women.
The women, all slightly afraid of lizards, took a step back. "Doesn't it…bite?" one of them asked hesitantly.
"No, he doesn't bite," Banxia said. "He's a lizard prince. If you kiss him, he'll turn into a human."
The young barmaids, who had been ready for a confrontation, were completely thrown off by her nonsensical reply.
"Then kiss him and show us," one of them said, playing along.
Banxia chuckled, finally tucking the struggling Xiao Lian back into her pocket. "No, I can't just defile him like that."
Old He, sitting by the wall, looked up. "Xiaoxia, how did your competition go?"
Banxia held up her violin and made an "OK" sign.
"That's great! Keep chasing your dreams," he raised his beer bottle in a toast. "This is my last night here. I'm leaving tomorrow."
"Where are you going?" Banxia asked.
"Back to the capital. To pursue my music career," Old He said, his voice filled with excitement. "An old friend of mine started a music company and asked me to join him. I'm going to give it another shot. I haven't achieved anything in my life. I can't give up on my dream now."
Banxia nodded silently, then picked up her bow and, after a moment of thought, began to play Zigeunerweisen.
The mournful melody of the wanderer's song filled the alleyway, mingling with the clinking of beer bottles as the men toasted Old He's departure.
"He Ge, you're going to be a big star! Don't forget about us little guys when you're famous!"
"I won't forget you. Come visit me in the capital!"
"I admire He Ge the most! He's dedicated his entire life to music, even giving up on having a family. A true man!"
"Actually, I have a son. He should be in middle school by now," Old He said, his voice slurred slightly, his eyes unfocused as he reminisced. "Back when I was in a band, there was this girl, a fan of mine. She really admired me, came to all our shows. We got together…"
"What happened then?" someone asked.
"I was so focused on my music back then. I couldn't even support myself, let alone a family," Old He sighed, taking a large swig of beer. "I've been wandering for half my life, and now I regret it. I'm going to the capital to find them. I wonder how my son is doing. I wonder if he'll…even acknowledge me."
"Don't worry, He Ge! Find them and make it up to them! Blood is thicker than water. He's your son. Of course he'll want to know you!"
"Really?"
"Definitely! Come on, let's toast to He Ge finding his son and enjoying family happiness!"
"Cheers to He Ge!"
The violin music suddenly stopped. Banxia's voice, cold and sharp, cut through the air. "Don't bother. He doesn't want to see you."
The men looked up, startled. "Hey, little girl, mind your own business! Of course he wants to see his father! Every child wants to see their father!" one of them said angrily.
Banxia stood up slowly, the streetlight illuminating her slender figure. She looked down at them, her words sharp and unforgiving. "If you weren't there for him when he needed you, you have no right to barge back into his life now. He'd probably prefer you stayed away."
Banxia had been working on this street for a long time. She was young and generally good-natured, easily deflecting even the most persistent hecklers. It was rare to see her so cold and confrontational.
One of the men slammed his beer bottle down. "Hey, Xiaoxia! What's wrong with you tonight? Are you looking for a fight?"
One of the barmaids, however, tossed her cigarette butt onto the ground. "She's right, though. If you didn't raise him, why bother showing up now?"
The man exploded. "What do you girls know? Filial piety is paramount! It's basic human decency!"
The young women, despite their age, were seasoned veterans of verbal sparring. "Oh, please! 'Filial piety'? You didn't raise him! You don't deserve any gratitude! Did you carry him for nine months? Did you give birth to him? Should we thank you for having a good time and then abandoning him?"
"Exactly! You were too busy having fun when you were young, abandoning your son and his mother. Now that you're old and washed up, you're afraid of being alone, so you want to crawl back? Nice try!"
Old He, stung by their words, stood up and stumbled towards the street. The other men hurried after him. The barmaids, having had their say, returned to their work, their heads held high.
Banxia stood alone in the empty alleyway for a moment, then picked up her violin.
This time, she played Tchaikovsky's Violin Concerto in D major.
The music was fast and furious, devoid of its usual gentle lyricism.
A police car, its lights flashing, drove past the alleyway, its moving lights casting long shadows on the wall. Beside the violinist, a small, black creature, its tail raised, perched on the railing, watching her intently.
Later that night, Banxia lay in bed, staring at the moon.
"Xiaoyue's style really doesn't suit me. My hand is killing me," she said, as if suddenly in the mood for conversation. "Xiao Lian, you said Tchaikovsky studied law. How did he end up going back to music school? Did his parents support him?"
The small, black figure in the terrarium sat up straight, as if he had been waiting for this opportunity.
"Tchaikovsky was a lucky man," the slightly electronic voice said in the darkness. "His father paid for his law school education and even got him a job. But Tchaikovsky wrote a heartfelt letter to his father, confessing his love for music, his desire to dedicate his life to it. In the end, his father relented and supported his decision to pursue his musical dreams."
Banxia murmured, "His father must have loved him very much."
"Yes, a good father. Caring and understanding of his child's dreams, willing to put aside his own wishes for his child's happiness."
Silence fell.
Xiao Lian waited restlessly in his terrarium, then crawled out, up the bedsheets, and onto Banxia's pillow.
"You're so smart," Banxia chuckled, stroking his little black head. "I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me."
"But your music…it sounds sad," Xiao Lian said.
It was a full moon tonight, the silver light spilling across the bed.
The little black gecko sat on her pillow, his large, patterned eyes filled with concern.
Banxia suddenly felt a gentle rain falling within her heart, softening the hard shell she had built around herself, revealing the wounded self she had hidden for so long.
"It's…all in the past now," she said, her voice soft, her defenses lowered as she shared her story with the little creature beside her.
"When I was little, I didn't have a father. Of course, I had fantasies, like any child. I imagined him suddenly appearing, playing with me, protecting me and my mother from those who bullied us, being the support we lacked."
"Once, my teacher entered me in a competition. I saw another girl's father buying her a beautiful dress. I begged my mother, relentlessly, shamelessly. So she took me to a construction site to carry dirt. We worked for three days to earn enough money for that flashy dress. But I ended up losing the competition because I strained a muscle in my arm."
"After that, I realized it was pointless, relying on someone who wasn't there. And that expensive dress…wasn't worth it either," Banxia chuckled sadly.
In the moonlight, the little black gecko sat quietly on the pillow, listening intently, the perfect audience.
"Xiao Lian, when I visited the class monitor the other day, I bumped into her father on my way out. He had obviously overheard our conversation. He thanked me profusely, even walked me to the door, and said he hoped Xiaoyue and I could be friends," Banxia turned over, her head resting on her arm. "Xiaoyue always says she envies me, but she doesn't know that I envy her too. She's like the moon, so bright and radiant, wearing beautiful dresses, playing her violin on stage with her parents watching, her music so proud and confident."
"She's the moon, and I'm just a weed. But I don't mind being a weed. I'm free, and I have a lizard for a friend…"
Her voice trailed off, and she drifted off to sleep, bathed in moonlight.
A short while later, the glow of a computer screen lit up the apartment next door.
In her dreams, Banxia heard a faint melody, soft and gentle, lingering in her heart.
The building was full of night owls—mahjong players, musicians, gamers—rarely quiet before dawn. Banxia was used to falling asleep amidst the noise.
But tonight, the faint melody kept her awake, her dreams restless and fragmented.
She dreamt of her childhood, carrying dirt at the construction site with her mother to earn money for a dress.
The sun had been scorching. Her mother had tucked a towel under her straw hat.
She had carried the heavy baskets of dirt on her small shoulders, the straps digging into her skin, the sweat-soaked towel burning against her neck, tears stinging her eyes.
"Whining and complaining won't get you anywhere in our family," her mother had said, walking ahead of her. "You have no one to rely on. If you want that dress, you'll have to earn it with your own sweat."
Not long after that, her mother had been hospitalized, her pale face a stark contrast to the white hospital sheets.
"Xiaxia, you're truly on your own now. You'll have to fight for everything you want, all by yourself."
Banxia woke up in the middle of the night. The music had stopped.
Downstairs, Ying Jie's excited voice echoed through the building. "I won! Double win! Pay up, pay up!"
Upstairs, someone was playing a video game, the clatter of their keyboard loud and insistent. "Noob! Stop looting! Revive me! Hey, don't leave me, bro! Revive me!"
Banxia turned over, a sharp pain stabbing at her stomach. Perhaps it was the stress of the competition, or the emotional turmoil of the past few days, but her chronic stomach pain had returned.
She clutched her stomach, curled up in the darkness, and groaned.
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