Monster - Chapter 122
Chapter 122: Confiding
In her dream, Lin Sandie found herself in a silent, oppressive cemetery. A light snow was falling from the sky, covering the surrounding tombstones in a thin layer of white.
She didn't know which time and space Pie had thrown her into this time. The only thing she knew was that another bedeviled Sentinel was waiting for her to lead them out.
Ever since she learned in her dreams that Little Fool was Lou, Pie had kept them apart. Lin Sandie couldn't remember how long it had been since she'd last seen Little Fool. And that willful little girl—had she grown to hate her to the bone?
As soon as she regained consciousness in the dream, Lin Sandie discreetly looked around. Not far away, she saw a woman who appeared to be of some age, dressed in a black dress and wearing a black-veiled hat. She stood quietly before a tombstone, her shoulders covered in a thin layer of snow, making her look like a tombstone herself.
From this distance, Lin Sandie couldn't make out the woman's face. She looked down at her own body. In her dreams, she could change her appearance at will. She was currently wearing a long black dress with a trench coat over it, an outfit that didn't seem out of place in the solemn cemetery.
Stepping toward the woman who was likely her next target Sentinel, Lin Sandie released her "Island" while contemplating the situation that might unfold.
Under Pie's arrangements, Lin Sandie had accumulated a great deal of experience in leading Sentinels out of their bedeviled states. Just as Pie had hoped, Lin Sandie was becoming more and more like a Guide in the mental domain. She could release a wider "Island," and her guarding and healing skills had reached an intermediate level. Her primary skills, mental deterrence and Spirit Separation, had also reached a higher level, allowing her to even influence the actions of others with her own mind.
Before she even got close to the woman, Lin Sandie saw her face through her "Island," which made her stop in her tracks.
The woman in the black dress was in her forties, with fine lines at the corners of her eyes and faint smile lines on either side of her nose. Her aura was cold and distant, and her light-colored eyes seemed to be veiled by a layer of frost, lifeless and desolate.
Even though the woman wasn't smiling, even though her eyes had lost their sparkle, Lin Sandie recognized her at a glance. It was Lou—a Lou from a different time.
But wasn't this supposed to be a scenario for leading a Sentinel out of a bedeviled state? This meant she should be inside one of Lou's bedeviled episodes. Why did Lou look like this? Back in Leviathan, hadn't she said she was blessed by Pie and would never grow old?
Or was it that, in a certain bedeviled state, Lou manifested her true age—an age unrelated to her physical appearance?
Question after question surfaced in Lin Sandie's mind. Her previously dejected mood grew somewhat excited at the sight of Lou. Although she knew the Lou in this scene most likely wouldn't recognize her, just seeing Lou appear before her was enough to bring her joy.
However, she quickly reined in her emotions. Pie had taught her before that as a Guide leading a Sentinel out of a bedeviled state, an unstable mental state or overly intense emotions could cause her to be negatively influenced by the Sentinel, leading to failure or even getting lost herself.
Slowing her pace, Lin Sandie walked leisurely to the side of the middle-aged Lou. She opened her mouth, but for a moment, she didn't know what to call her. "Little Fool" was clearly inappropriate, and "Lou" was a code name she wasn't sure this version of Lou was using yet.
"Who is it?" The middle-aged Lou suddenly turned her head. Her eyes, identical to Lin Sandie's, turned as well, but they were filled with a deathly stillness.
Those lifeless eyes looked anything but normal.
"Your eyes…" Lin Sandie looked at Lou with a complicated expression. At that moment, she realized that even if Lou was travel-worn and exhausted, even if time had carved wrinkles at the corners of her eyes and brows, she still felt her heart stir for her.
"There's a problem with them. They might recover, or they might not." Lou lowered her head and lightly touched her eyes with her fingertips, showing no surprise at the sudden appearance of a stranger.
Lin Sandie fell silent for a moment, then turned her head toward the tombstone. "You're here to pay respects to…"
Her words were cut short when she saw the name on the tombstone before her. The name carved on the black stone was: Zhao Tai.
It was the young man Lin Sandie had brought from the Aztec world to Europe with Little Fool. He and the other girl, Zhao Le, had always been like an older brother and sister to Little Fool, taking meticulous care of her daily life when she was away.
"How did he die?"
"He reached his age. It's natural to die." Lou reached out a thin, calloused finger and touched the tombstone. "He was my brother. And this is my sister."
She pointed to the tombstone next to it. Lin Sandie saw that it was Zhao Le's grave. Lou had buried the siblings together.
"They're all dead, actually. They might not even know I'm remembering them," Lou sighed faintly, her voice like an echo from the grave.
After Lou became a Sentinel, whether due to her physical constitution, the magical items she obtained, or her simple quest to find Little Rabbit, she was bound to live longer than ordinary people. This forced her to face the people around her leaving and passing away one by one.
Before she met me, she wandered alone among the tribes of the Aztec. This was already problematic for her personality development. Her possessiveness exceeded that of a normal child, and she was mostly indifferent to the suffering of others, lacking empathy. After she met me, although I tried my best to teach her, I couldn't always be by her side. Her personality, caught between the hope of being with me and the reality of my constant departures, gradually became twisted.
Little Fool is now capable of reminiscing about others.
Lin Sandie thought, feeling both regret that she couldn't accompany Little Fool and witness her growth, and pride that she had ultimately grown into a dependable adult. She wasn't talking about her unreliable demeanor in Leviathan, as that was just a disguise. At least she had gone through a reliable phase, like the Lou before her now.
"Since you understand that the departed may not know, why are you so insistent on remembering them?" To this day, Lin Sandie still didn't know what conflict had occurred during their final time together that had caused the other to live with lifelong regret, unable to let go, forcing her to travel far and wide, over mountains and across rivers, in search of her to heal that shattered soul.
In the dream, Lin Sandie was no longer as eager to get close to Lou as she was in reality. She understood the real Lou's resistance toward her was because she didn't know she was Little Rabbit. Despite this, every time she was in a dream, sorrow would well up inside her. She and Lou were truly like the poem said: fate pushed them together only to drive them apart. The time was not yet ripe for them to truly know and recognize each other. They were so close, yet still worlds apart…
The middle-aged Lou lowered her eyelids. "Because I need to remember. I am in an abyss. If… if I don't remember them, I will cease to exist."
After saying this, she silently drew in a breath of cold air and turned to leave.
Lin Sandie subconsciously reached out to steady her arm. It felt cold and rough to the touch.
"I know. I've probably fallen into a bedeviled state again. Are you the Guide the divine official sent to lead me out?" Lou withdrew her arm from Lin Sandie's grasp and slowly walked toward the cemetery exit. Her expression was natural; after multiple episodes, she had become familiar with this recurring mental disorientation.
Although she was vastly different from the Lou in reality, her inherent detachment from others was undisguised. The Lou before her was equally cold and resistant toward Lin Sandie.
"I'm still relatively lucid now. When I want to leave, I'll automatically break free from the bedeviled state. You can go about your own business." Though her eyes couldn't see, it didn't hinder Lou's movement, only slowed her down a little.
Lin Sandie followed her, recalling her previous attempts to tell Lou during her bedeviled states that she was Lin Sandie, the Guide she was looking for. But no matter how she tried to tell her, the result was always failure. Lou would become even more lost, and the mission would restart again and again. Lou grew weaker and weaker from this attrition, until Lin Sandie no longer dared to make such an attempt.
Seeing Lin Sandie just silently following beside her, the middle-aged Lou turned her head slightly, as if she were now seriously studying Lin Sandie's face. However, her lifeless eyes merely reflected Lin Sandie's youthful features with a vacant stare.
"You seem very tired," Lou said, looking at Lin Sandie's face.
Lin Sandie was taken aback. After a moment, she asked, "Is it that obvious?"
"Heh. Although Guides don't get lost easily, I can sense that you haven't been a Guide for long. Inexperienced Guides are also prone to losing themselves."
Lin Sandie let out a low "mm." She felt as if her current life was like walking into an endless, looping maze, which indeed made her feel utterly exhausted.
"Want to go for a drink with me?"
"A drink?" The middle-aged Lou's sudden suggestion caught Lin Sandie off guard. "But… we're in your bedeviled scene right now. Can the alcohol here even have a numbing effect?"
"Of course it can, as long as I want it to." The middle-aged Lou smiled, a hint of the cunning Lin Sandie usually saw. "What's your name?"
"Lin Sandie."
"Although neither of us will remember the other after we leave this place, we can be friends for a while." The middle-aged Lou walked ahead, a hint of a smile in her voice.
"My memories have been altered, so my memories in reality, in dreams, and in scenes like this within dreams are all separate."
"When you leave my state of disorientation, are you in a dream or in reality?"
"In a dream, I suppose." Lin Sandie's reality was in Leviathan. Only when she fell asleep would Pie arrange various tasks for her.
"So what you just meant is, if you enter another Sentinel's state of disorientation while in a dream, you can remember what happened today?"
"I can't remember all the details, but I remember the gist of what happened. This isn't the first time I've led you out of a bedeviled state."
The middle-aged Lou pondered for a moment, then asked again, "I thought a divine official sent you, but your situation reminds me of Pie. Was it She who arranged for you to guide me?"
"Yes. Why does my situation make you think of Pie?" Lin Sandie's tone held no reverence for Pie.
"Pie holds divine authority over time and secrets. Your memories have been altered, and you jump between various times and spaces…" The middle-aged Lou let out a low chuckle. "You're clearly quite dissatisfied with Her, but have you ever considered the meaning behind Her arrangements?"
"I have," Lin Sandie's tone grew even colder. "She has a troublesome daughter, and I'm just a bodyguard She arranged for her. She wants me to save Her daughter, but because Her daughter likes me, She's also toying with me for Her own amusement."
"…Hahahaha." After hearing Lin Sandie's complaint, the middle-aged Lou was stunned for several seconds before bursting into laughter. "A god wouldn't be so petty. Don't speculate so casually. Besides, since when did Pie have a troublesome daughter?"
"Then why do you think She's made such a mess of my fate and my life?"
"I've rarely encountered a situation like yours. Perhaps… She has certain expectations for you."
Lin Sandie frowned at her words. She was just an ordinary person, one who hadn't even qualified as a Guide in reality. "What could I possibly have that's worthy of a god's expectations?"
"I don't know," the middle-aged Lou shook her head. "My advice to you is, before you figure out the truth, try your best not to lose yourself."
Another long silence fell. The middle-aged Lou was like someone with experience; she possessed the gentleness and composure of an elder. She smiled and asked, "So, why do you feel so tired?"
If anyone else had asked this question, Lin Sandie might not have answered. She was naturally reserved and preferred to keep things to herself. But when the woman she loved, transformed into a different version of herself, asked her so gently, she didn't have the willpower to hold back.
"I was originally just an ordinary person, alone, but I never felt lonely. I didn't want to get close to others, thinking it was enough to manage my own life. My job was ordinary, my income was decent, I bought a house, and like most people, I paid my mortgage and lived a routine life. But then someone suddenly burst into my life." At this, Lin Sandie sighed again. "She disrupted my original plans, all those boring plans. I was angry with her, yet at the same time, I was drawn to her."
"Is she a Sentinel?"
"Yes, a very outstanding one." Lin Sandie looked at the middle-aged Lou's face, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly. "I used to be very confident in myself, thinking I had done the best that someone like me could do. A girl who lost her mother at a young age and came from the countryside, following the path of an ordinary life—no one could have done better than me. But after falling for her, I would feel worthless, so far beneath her. No matter how hard I tried, she was unwilling to let me become her Guide."
Like a young person, Lin Sandie boldly revealed her inner self to the middle-aged Lou. Her vulnerability, her insecurity, the feelings and thoughts she couldn't tell anyone else—all were laid bare before the middle-aged Lou as if on display.
"Putting aside all the misunderstandings of fate and the inversion of time and space, our relationship is simply that of a pursuer and the pursued. Unfortunately, I was rejected by her. It makes me feel like the changes I've made to my life have lost all meaning."
"Hey," the middle-aged Lou listened gently to Lin Sandie's story. "Don't get hung up on that. Love doesn't always favor you just because you've become good enough, especially when the person you want already has someone in their heart."
"I understand, but I can't give up on her."
"Don't cause trouble for others, young Guide," the middle-aged Lou advised.
After pouring out her heart, Lin Sandie felt a slight release of her emotions and became a little more relaxed. She shook her head with a smile. "I understand that now, but when I wake up, I might not be able to think so clearly."
"Alright, let's go drink." The middle-aged Lou shrugged.
Under her guidance, Lin Sandie followed her to a dimly lit tavern. They both ordered strong liquor. Lin Sandie, who had always been self-restrained, couldn't help but indulge, drinking until she was completely intoxicated. Then, she was ruthlessly kicked out of the bedeviled scene by the middle-aged Lou, who had only been playing along.
"…What an inexperienced Guide." Pie, who had been watching Lin Sandie, let out a soft sigh in Her divine kingdom.
Comments
Post a Comment