Returning - Chapter 176
Chapter 176: I'm Not Worthy
Silence returned to the hospital room. This time, Zhao Yu knew, it was truly quiet.
Although Xue Zhan, Xue Zi'ang, and Ling Jianwei all looked like they had something to say, none of them spoke a word, merely sitting silently beside her in solidarity.
She felt utterly exhausted, her whole body weary. She laboriously shifted herself down to lie flat. Xue Zi'ang and Ling Jianwei quickly supported her, adjusting the bed to a comfortable angle so she could rest properly.
She didn't want to speak, nor did she know when they would leave. As she drifted in and out of a hazy sleep, she felt as if she had returned to her university campus all those years ago.
The Zhuang Ye of those days was sunny, cheerful, with a dazzling smile—no matter where he went, he was always strikingly radiant.
The her of that time had fallen hard and fast. After all, who could ignore someone so outstanding?
She was only human. She liked his tall, handsome figure and his bright, carefree smile, always indulging in his gentleness and adoration.
It was only later, gradually, that she learned the truth. His perfect exterior was just a shell; he could be insecure, timid. He was even more sensitive and fragile than she was, and he craved security even more desperately.
She remembered one particular afternoon, under the sunlight, when he had suddenly asked her: "Tang Xi, if one day you discover that I'm not as good as you think I am, would you still want me?"
She had laughed and called him a fool, making him a cheesy yet earnest promise. She had said: "No matter what you become, I will love you. I love all your strengths and all your flaws."
The beautiful scenes of the past were still vivid in her mind. Those once-fervent vows still echoed clearly in her ears. Yet everything between them had long since changed beyond recognition.
"Xi Xi..."
His voice rang out again. It was still that same afternoon, still that lush, green grove. He was still holding her hand as they walked slowly forward in the sunlight. But when she turned around, she found him covered in blood, just staring at her quietly. He released her hand, retreating further and further away, until he finally vanished completely before her eyes.
"Xi Xi, goodbye."
"Zhuang Ye!" She jolted awake from the nightmare, the wound on her shoulder tearing with a sharp pain. Zhao Yu gasped for air in ragged, heaving breaths, tears streaming uncontrollably from her eyes.
"Did you have a nightmare?" An arm was wrapped tightly around her shoulders, preventing her from thrashing and tearing her wound. "Did you hurt yourself again? Should I call the doctor?"
It took Zhao Yu several seconds of stunned disorientation in the darkness to regain her senses. "Why are you here? What if the Zhuang family discovers your relationship with me..."
"I was worried about you, so I came to check on you." Shang Lu clasped her hand tightly. "Don't be afraid. I've made all the necessary arrangements. I won't be discovered."
She fell silent. He asked, "Should I turn on the light?"
She shook her head vehemently. "No."
He knew. She was crying, and she didn't want anyone to see her in this state.
"Alright, then I'll stay with you while you sleep." He climbed carefully into the bed, gathered her into his arms, and pulled the blanket over them both. "Sleep now. It's still early."
She lay quietly against his chest for a long while before finally asking, "How is... how is Zhuang Ye?"
There was no point in discussing love or the lack thereof between them anymore, but she was genuinely terrified.
"He hasn't woken up yet. The doctor says he'll be fine, don't worry." Shang Lu patted her back gently. "It's not convenient for me to show my face publicly, but Xue Zhan has arranged everything. He won't let anything happen to him. As for the acquisition, Xue Zhan has also returned to the company personally to take charge; there won't be any problems."
Zhao Yu continued to bury her head against his chest, feeling the strong, steady beat of his heart. After a long time, she whispered softly, "Shang Lu."
"Hm?"
"Thank you."
He smiled faintly, holding her even tighter. "Sleep."
When she woke again, the man who had been holding her was nowhere to be seen. If it weren't for the lingering warmth he'd left in the blankets, Zhao Yu would have thought it was just another dream.
Dawn was approaching. Xue Zi'ang, who had been holding vigil for a long time, finally agreed to go back and sleep, leaving Ling Jianwei to keep watch outside. Seeing her emerge draped in a coat, Ling Jianwei quickly stood up to support her. "Where are you going?"
She had intended to go check on Zhuang Ye, but the moment she stepped outside, a gust of wind hit her and her mind suddenly cleared. Zhao Yu hesitated, then turned around and headed back.
Ling Jianwei caught on and said quietly, "He probably hasn't woken up yet. I've already gone to see him."
After a pause, he added, "Brother Ji Sui is there too."
Zhao Yu understood his implication. "I'm sorry."
Ling Jianwei smiled and shook his head. "I understand. You were afraid that if I knew about your relationship with Brother Ji Sui, I might slip up while lying to him. After all, those thirty-six hours after Xu Chengyan broke off the engagement were critical. We couldn't let Zhuang Ye and Brother Ji Sui discover you."
So even though you hid things from me and deceived me, I don't blame you for it.
Zhao Yu's lips moved, wanting to say something, but she felt that no matter what she said, it would only make her sound utterly hypocritical.
They sat in silence for a long while before Ling Jianwei couldn't help but speak again. "In the future, could you... not hide anything from me?"
Assuming he was still referring to the Ji Sui situation, she simply nodded. "Between Ji Sui and me... it is what it is. It's completely over now. There's nothing left for me to hide from you."
"I meant what you said to Xu Chengyan yesterday..."
He stopped mid-sentence, the words dying in his throat.
Because, at some unknown moment, Zhuang Ye had appeared at the door of the hospital room, just standing there, staring blankly at them.
The sound of hurried footsteps approached. Ji Sui, rushing over, saw the two people inside and was also momentarily speechless, unsure of what to say.
Zhuang Ye's face was pale, his hair still slightly disheveled. He looked as if he had just woken up. But the expression in his eyes now wasn't shock—it was bewilderment.
Seeing Ji Sui, he suddenly smiled. "Brother... what exactly is your relationship with Xi Xi?"
Ji Sui froze.
He knew Zhuang Ye's body wasn't seriously injured, so seeing him awake brought no great surprise. Instead, he had always been concerned about Zhuang Ye's psychological state, which was why he had struggled to find the right moment to broach certain topics.
Zhao Yu was silent for a moment, then said calmly, "Before today, I was your brother... Ji Sui's girlfriend. And I was also your brother-in-law Xu Chengyan's... mistress."
Zhuang Ye continued to stare at her vacantly, his eyes completely devoid of emotion. After a long pause, he cracked a smile and uttered a single word: "Oh."
That one nonchalant syllable instantly sent a chill of alarm through everyone present.
Ji Sui instinctively glanced at Zhao Yu, his eyes carrying a hint of reproach—blaming her for so heartlessly driving a knife into Zhuang Ye's heart the moment he woke up. But meeting her self-mocking expression, he suddenly realized that he was the one more deserving of blame.
Everything had spiraled into chaos. He wanted to hate, he wanted to resent, but he couldn't even find a proper target for his hatred and resentment.
"Zhuang Ye..." The moment the words left his mouth, he realized he couldn't even manage to say sorry.
Zhuang Ye just continued to look at Zhao Yu, smiled again, and said hoarsely, "In the next life... I hope you... never meet someone like me again."
"Zhuang Ye!" This time it was Zhao Yu's voice. Seeing his abnormal reaction, watching his calm back as he walked away, an uncontrollable fear began to grip her again.
"Don't worry, I won't try to end my life." Zhuang Ye stopped in his tracks, paused, and then added, "I'm not worthy."
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