Returning - Chapter 97

Chapter 97: Tearing Apart

Qingming had just passed, and the cemetery was covered in fresh flowers and fruit offerings—along with garbage strewn everywhere. Cemeteries in small cities like this were mostly neglected, their dirty and chaotic environments an all-too-common sight.

After placing the two bouquets of fresh flowers in her hands before the graves, Zhao Yu bent down again to pick up a plastic bag the wind had blown to her feet, methodically clearing the trash from the gravesite.

Xue Zhan also held two bouquets—ones he had prepared himself. After setting them down, he studied the small inscriptions on the headstones with care.

Both had passed away on March 23rd, four years ago. Zhao Meiyin's headstone clearly stated her daughter was named Tang Xi, while Yu Jin's headstone bore not only her parents' names but, unexpectedly, the name of her fiancé, Song Xuan, as well.

Names, dates, ages, relationships… evidence utterly impossible to fabricate, all conveying a single message to Xue Zhan: Zhao Yu and Song Xuan were not putting on an act.

After disposing of the trash and returning to the graveside, Zhao Yu stood there in a daze for a long while before she finally spoke. "Actually, I came to see them during the New Year, with my godparents… that is, Xiao Yu's parents."

Xue Zhan stood shoulder to shoulder with her, turning his head to watch her, listening in silence.

"But Song Xuan was right. I felt too guilty. I never dared to come see them. That time was the first visit since they passed away. With my godparents there, I couldn't even muster a single 'I'm sorry.' I couldn't let anyone know… that I was the murderer."

Seeing the ashen pallor of her face, Xue Zhan slowly reached out and took her hand. "You didn't do it on purpose."

"Is there a difference? They're gone, and I caused it. Song Xuan is right—why, when the three of us fell together, was I the only one who survived? I should have gone with them…"

"Zhao Yu." Tightening his grip on her ice-cold hand, Xue Zhan wanted to offer comfort but found himself at a loss for words. All he could do was stand beside her in quiet solidarity.

The sky remained overcast, devoid of any sunlight, and a light rain began to fall.

Zhao Yu was dressed thinly. Xue Zhan released her hand, preparing to take off his jacket and drape it over her, when an inadvertent glance backward revealed Song Xuan already standing behind them, having arrived at some unknown moment.

Xue Zhan paused. "He's here too."

Zhao Yu whipped her head around. Upon confirming it was indeed Song Xuan, shock still flickered through her.

This was not part of the script they had arranged beforehand.

But after a moment's thought, she realized it wasn't so surprising. After all, their contact had been limited to WeChat and phone calls. He must have been impatient to speak with her face-to-face for a long time now.

"I'd like to speak with her alone." The words were addressed to Xue Zhan, but Song Xuan's gaze remained fixed on Zhao Yu's face.

Xue Zhan looked at Zhao Yu. Upon seeing her nod, he turned and strode away.

Song Xuan approached the headstones and carefully arranged the fresh flowers and Yu Jin's favorite candies. He then bowed deeply before Zhao Yu's mother's grave, respectfully calling out, "Godmother."

He treated all of Yu Jin's loved ones as his own, including this godmother he had never met in life.

Every year, during Spring Festival and Qingming, he would tend to Zhao Yu's mother's grave, doing far more than Zhao Yu, the biological daughter, ever did.

Zhao Yu let out a self-deprecating laugh.

"You must hate me very much right now, don't you?"

Song Xuan did not answer. Instead, he turned to confirm that Xue Zhan had walked all the way to the parking lot outside the cemetery before asking, "He believed it?"

"Apart from not being able to mention Zhuang Ye, everything else is true. How could he not believe it?"

Xue Zhan was too innately suspicious. No matter how realistic the performance, he would never fully trust it. The only way to guarantee absolute success was to lay her real pain bare before his eyes.

This was the strategy she had concocted after tossing and turning, racking her brain, ever since she confirmed Xue Zhan was growing suspicious of her.

She knew Xue Zhan would eventually dig up the fact that she used to be called Tang Xi. Rather than let him expose her, it was better to strike first—using Song Xuan's deliberate misdirection to make Xue Zhan mistakenly believe she was a scheming woman who had abandoned her boyfriend for money.

She had to make Xue Zhan feel revulsion toward her first, to make him hurt her first. Only then, when he discovered the "truth," would he feel guilt, would he pity and cherish her all the more.

Xue Zhan was different from Shang Lu. Shang Lu knew her tragic past involved a man; if he were to investigate Tang Xi, he would certainly start with her previous romantic relationships.

But Xue Zhan's concern was whether she had another face. As long as she laid all those past truths before him and convinced him she hadn't lied, he might not necessarily make Tang Xi's love life a primary focus of investigation.

During her years with Zhuang Ye, they had always kept a low profile. There shouldn't be too many traces left behind. As long as Xue Zhan didn't know about her relationship with Zhuang Ye, he could never possibly connect the dots to her true motive for getting close to him.

Thriving in the face of annihilation was an inherently dangerous move, but judging by the current situation, her gamble seemed to have paid off, achieving an initial victory.

But the cost had been immense. In having no choice but to seek Song Xuan's help, she had to lay bare the truth of what happened back then.

The truth she had never had the courage to tell anyone had not only dragged Song Xuan—who had just barely managed to crawl his way out of the abyss—back into the vortex of regret and hatred, but had also skewered her own heart, leaving it a bloody, lacerated mess.

Just when she thought Song Xuan wasn't willing to answer her question, he spoke. "I don't hate you."

After a pause, he added, "Because Xiao Jin wouldn't want me to hate you."

Zhao Yu forced a bitter smile, her gaze settling on the two large characters etched into the headstone.

After another long silence, Song Xuan said, "Don't worry. I won't tell Xiao Jin's parents, won't make them suffer this torment too. I came today to tell you that I won't impulsively go after Zhuang Yiqing, I won't ruin your plan. But when it comes to revenge, you must count me in."

He turned around and looked at her directly. "Tang Xi, whether or not I hate you isn't important. What's important is that Xiao Jin wouldn't blame you. She saw you as more important than her own life. She would want you to live well. I can't convince you to let go of your hatred, because after learning the truth, I hate too. But I hope revenge isn't the only thing driving you to stay alive."

The sky grew darker, the rain heavier. Watching Song Xuan's retreating figure, Zhao Yu suddenly collapsed to the ground and wailed openly.

Why didn't he hate her? She would much rather he hated her, rather that Xiao Jin and her mother hated her too.

But she knew they wouldn't. These two people, now reduced to ashes lying within these graves, had both once valued her life above their own. Even though they had perished because of her, they would not resent her.

Only her hatred for herself, only her regret and pain, grew daily, burrowing deep into the marrow of her bones.

As the fine rain drenched her body, a large coat descended, draping over her.

Zhao Yu lifted her head and stared blankly at the man before her.

Just like that night several months ago, he bent down, scooped her into his arms, and walked slowly through the rain.

"Xue Zhan…" Through the blur of tears, she suddenly called his name in a low murmur, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face against the curve of his throat, resting there quietly.

Xue Zhan said nothing. He simply held her tighter.

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