Returning - Chapter 44
Chapter 44: Heart-to-Heart
When Zhao Yu came out after bathing, Ji Sui had already finished cooking dinner—a few simple home-cooked dishes.
"I didn't know you could cook before."
Her dress was still in the washing machine, and her underwear had been hand-washed and quietly hung on the balcony, so she was still wearing Ji Sui's gray loungewear. The clothes were too loose, but they just happened to cover her embarrassing state of not wearing a bra.
Ji Sui handed her chopsticks. "After living alone, I got used to cooking for myself."
"Thank you."
Zhao Yu sat opposite him, but clearly had no appetite, only slowly and reluctantly eating a little more than half a bowl of rice.
Ji Sui noticed it, but said nothing. He served her a bowl of soup, and after finishing, rushed to clean up the dishes before her, telling her to rest aside.
When Ji Sui came out from the kitchen, Zhao Yu was still standing alone on the balcony, gazing at the night view outside.
Sensing someone approaching, she asked, "Do you have any cigarettes here?"
"I don't smoke, and I didn't prepare any at home." Ji Sui stood beside her, looking down at the night view together. "I thought you wouldn't smoke either."
Zhao Yu smiled. "I just learned recently, and it feels pretty good."
Ji Sui spoke after a moment. "Smoking is harmful to health; you should still smoke less."
"I know. He doesn't like the smell of smoke either; I wouldn't smoke in front of him, just sometimes..." At this point, she gave a bitter laugh, let out a long sigh, and changed the subject. "This house of yours has a good location; the night view is very nice."
"It's okay." He responded casually, and both fell silent again.
After a long while, Zhao Yu suddenly spoke. "Ji Sui, can I ask you a question?"
"Go ahead."
"You're a man; you should know men's thoughts best. Do you believe in the saying 'a prodigal son returning'? If a man... that is, he was very dissolute before, had many women, but suddenly one day, he gets a girlfriend, do you think... he would be serious?"
"You mean Xue Zi'ang?"
Zhao Yu looked at him in surprise. "You know I'm talking about him?"
After a pause, she corrected herself. "You know him?"
Before Ji Sui could answer, she smiled again and said, "That's right, we're in the same industry, our two companies are the strongest competitors, and his identity is so special, it's normal for you to know him. But I remember I never told you guys that my boyfriend is him; how would you know?"
Ji Sui smiled. "You called his name last time when you were drunk."
Zhao Yu was somewhat embarrassed, and then it turned into bitter self-mockery. "Then you must also think I'm quite overestimating myself, right? A person like me, originally not worthy of him, but somehow became his girlfriend. And even if we're dating, so what? I often feel that I don't sense that we're a normal couple relationship, and I dare not even think about having a future."
Ji Sui looked at her steadily, as if suddenly thinking of something, and lowered his head to smile. "I feel like I see another me."
"Really?" Zhao Yu pondered for a moment, and suddenly realized. "I remember, you seemed to have said that you also had a very beloved girl before."
Ji Sui said, "She and Xue Zi'ang are the same type of person, dazzling wherever they go, never lacking suitors. I'm not familiar with Xue Zi'ang, so I shouldn't judge him at will. But people of their type, perhaps... they really don't need emotions, don't need others' sincerity. If being with him is really so painful, then you might as well try to free yourself."
Zhao Yu looked at him curiously. "So, have you completely freed yourself? The self-redemption you mentioned last time, has it succeeded?"
"I don't know either, but at least now, when I see her, I can be very calm. Seeing her with other men, knowing she will marry someone else, it's not so hard to accept."
Zhao Yu sighed and stretched. "Really envy you, if only I could do that too."
Her loungewear wasn't thick, and with this action, the entire front of the top pressed against her chest, clearly outlining two protruding marks.
Ji Sui quickly turned his head away, avoiding his gaze, but soon caught a glimpse from the other side of her underwear hanging on the balcony—silver-white sexy lace gently fluttering in the night breeze.
Unfortunately, the balcony light wasn't on, so Zhao Yu couldn't see if his ears had turned red like last time.
Pretending not to notice her own slip, she sighed again. "No cigarettes, then is there any alcohol?"
Ji Sui's gaze still fixed on the distance, not daring to turn back to look at her. "Only beer; do you want to drink?"
"A bit. Can I borrow some first?"
"No need to be so polite." He said and then turned back, quickly bringing out several cans of beer from the refrigerator. "It's a bit cold; drink less."
Just beer, of course she couldn't pretend to be drunk, and the same trick only needed to be used once on the same person, so Zhao Yu merely wanted to chat more with him through drinking together, not planning to do anything else.
She took a big gulp, indeed feeling a refreshing coolness, and exhaled. She continued drinking several more sips until one can of beer was completely empty.
When she picked up the second can, Ji Sui also opened one, keeping her company in drinking.
As they drank, she suddenly laughed. "I remember now. Last time at the bar, didn't you say that you also drowned your sorrows in alcohol? Was it because of that girl you liked very much?"
Ji Sui shook his head, gazing at the night outside in a daze. Just when Zhao Yu thought he was unwilling to elaborate, a low voice came out. "It was because... of Xiao Xiao's father."
Zhao Yu didn't understand. "Xiao Xiao? Qu Sixiao?"
Ji Sui tilted his head back, beer entering from his lips, his sexy Adam's apple rolling continuously. After he drank more than half a can in one go, he smiled bitterly. "Xiao Xiao's father sacrificed himself to save me."
These things, Zhao Yu didn't know. After all, it was a military matter, so investigating would be more difficult, and she didn't need to investigate that thoroughly.
But hearing him say this, she finally understood why he had applied for early retirement initially, and why he had gone to see a psychologist.
Ji Sui tightly stared at the beer can in his hand, smiled, and said, "Actually, the night before he sacrificed himself, I had a dream, dreaming he was shot dead in front of me. That dream was too real. The next day before the mission, I specially arranged for him to stay behind, wanting to bring another team, but he refused, laughing at my superstition, and as a result..."
"So, you regret it very much, right? Regret why you didn't insist, why you let him come with you?"
Ji Sui painfully closed his eyes. "If he hadn't saved me back then, I would have been shot, but not necessarily died, but he..."
Looking at his regretful and helpless appearance, Zhao Yu suddenly felt a certain place in her heart being deeply poked.
He just said that seeing her was like seeing another himself.
Wasn't she now the same?
Such Ji Sui suddenly awakened a certain beast in the depths of her heart, roaring in her ear over and over that the two people you care about most were killed by you.
She should hate Zhuang Yiqing, but should hate herself even more.
The person she most should seek revenge on is also herself.
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