Monster - Chapter 84
Chapter 84: Silver Stone City - Lin Sandie's Playbook
Lin Sandie didn't cry again, nor did she speak. The only sounds in the room were her and Lou's soft breathing.
Lou undid her hair bun, twirling the soft strands around her fingers. "Lin Sandie, we're playing house right now. You have every reason to use me as an outlet. You can even do anything you want to me."
Lin Sandie was silent.
"I have a great deal of patience for you."
"Why?" Lin Sandie asked, her voice ice-cold.
"There's no big reason. I'm much older than you. You might doubt what I'm saying, but I've experienced so much that it's hard for me to feel anything new anymore. I let my whims guide me, so novelty is a very important feeling for me. You give me that feeling, so I'm willing to tolerate anything you do. Even if one day my skills are no match for yours and you kill me, I'll just give you a thumbs-up."
"What if another woman comes along and gives you that feeling of novelty?" Lin Sandie continued to press.
"How could that happen?" Lou was momentarily caught off guard.
"What about that honey trap incident?" Lin Sandie looked up at Lou, her gaze cold enough to kill.
"That… that was a normal need for a single adult." For some reason, faced with Lin Sandie's interrogation, Lou found herself stuttering.
"Then to you, I'm also just a normal need for a single adult." Lin Sandie was the epitome of sober clarity, her words merciless. She pushed Lou away and stood up. "This 'playing house' game is something you can play with any woman who gives you a sense of novelty."
"That's not true! You're different from the others. I want to use my greater experience to guide you onto an easier path," Lou explained hurriedly. "It's a natural thing to do when you see a weaker version of yourself. It's different."
"You're the other Lin Sandie, and you have masochistic tendencies," Lin Sandie said, bending down to put on her shoes.
"I do not!" Lou protested. "According to the normal script, things should have gotten hot and heavy by now. You'd be unhappy, use me as a tool to vent, and then we'd wake up to an awkward morning after."
Lou followed Lin Sandie out the door, still spouting nonsensical drivel. Her train of thought was probably just wired differently from everyone else's.
"Still say you don't have masochistic tendencies?" Lin Sandie casually tidied the long hair Lou had let down, then suddenly spun around. "Do you do this in other worlds, too? To other unhappy women who give you a sense of novelty?"
"I don't! And even if I did, that was many, many years ago. What right do you have to be jealous over my ancient history like you're my wife?" Lou didn't know how to answer, so she could only retort.
"…" Lin Sandie pressed her lips together and glared at Lou.
Seeing that the rims of her eyes and the tip of her nose were still red, a mix of vulnerability, disgust, and shame swirling within her, Lou felt a different kind of emotion welling up inside. As a Sentinel, she was naturally more sensitive to the emotions of others. At that moment, she really wanted to kiss Lin Sandie.
"Sorry, I was just trying to comfort you," Lou mumbled, her lips trembling. She reached a hand out slightly toward Lin Sandie, then quickly shoved it back into her pocket. "It's been too long since I've had to comfort anyone. You're a little different from the others."
Lou repeated the sentence.
"…" Lin Sandie remained silent, just looking at Lou, a hint of confusion in her heart.
The Lou before her now was not her usual self.
"My condition is already on a downward slope. The, uh, period where I feel desire for others is actually the same as a mortal with a normal lifespan, between fifteen and forty. So it's been so long I've forgotten how many years it's been since I've… since I've felt this way about another woman. It's true. I'm not this patient with everyone."
"You won't believe me, but with that monster at the hotel, my primary motive was investigation…"
"…I know." Lin Sandie cut off Lou's explanation. For some reason, she suddenly felt a surge of irritation. She didn't like seeing Lou try to explain these things. Lou was Lou. A free, unrestrained Lou was more like the real Lou.
And she didn't care one bit about Lou's past.
Reaching out, Lin Sandie grabbed Lou's wrist and led her toward the elevator. "I'm hungry. Let's go eat."
Inside the elevator, Lin Sandie straightened herself up a bit and then smoothed down Lou's messy hair. They went downstairs with their hair down.
"Do I really seem like a masochist?" Lou asked, a little unwilling to concede, even as she obediently let Lin Sandie fix her hair.
"A little."
"I'm not like this with other people," Lou said quickly, appearing particularly honest at that moment. "It's because you always stop right when things are about to happen naturally. It makes me want to tease you."
"Are other Sentinels like you? Very used to letting things 'happen naturally'?" Lin Sandie emphasized the last few words.
"Probably. That's why Sentinels are prone to getting lost and becoming bedeviled. We don't really like to control ourselves."
"If I play house with you, can you control yourself and not look at other women?"
"I haven't been looking at other women…" Lou was speechless. "Since I met you, you're the only one I have eyes for, okay?"
"If you want to look at other women in the future, just tell me." On the surface, Lin Sandie was still being sarcastic, but inwardly she wondered if Lou's recent uncharacteristic behavior—her patient, endless explanations—was also a symptom of being "bedeviled."
"…" Lou suddenly had an epiphany. She had just told Lin Sandie she could vent on her. Could this be Lin Sandie's way of venting?
So when she had retorted by asking what right Lin Sandie had to be jealous like a wife, had she been in the wrong?
"Lin Sandie."
Lin Sandie, who had been watching the elevator display, turned her head.
Lou moved closer, taking Lin Sandie's hand in hers and looking at her with an enticing gaze.
"You want to kiss me?" Lin Sandie asked with a hint of provocation when Lou made no further move after closing the distance.
"I'm just making it more convenient for when you want to kiss me." The tip of Lou's nose was almost touching Lin Sandie's.
Lin Sandie let out a low hum and actually did lean in to kiss her, simultaneously reaching out to randomly press the elevator buttons, extending the time they had alone in the car.
Only when the elevator chimed with a "ding-dong" did the two pull apart, their breathing slightly ragged.
"Other people vent by pouncing on you, biting and clawing. Is your way of venting to find things I can't refute and scold me with them?" Lou asked with a smile.
"You don't look like you're unable to refute anything," Lin Sandie replied.
"Then, do you want to talk about your mother?"
"…" After a moment of silence, Lin Sandie nodded. "I haven't been able to track Zhao Jie down. The phone says he's carrying some kind of magical item that's interfering with the location. But I found someone else, Nina Kumo. She's a lawyer who graduated in the same class as my mother. When I saw her photo, I remembered seeing her at my mother's funeral when I was a child. She's currently in Star City."
"That's one more reason to go to Star City."
"We can just go at a normal pace. Even if I were to uncover the truth right now, I probably wouldn't have the strength to do anything about it." Lin Sandie had completely calmed down. "We first need to figure out how we're going to announce our findings about Madam Lilo the day after tomorrow."
They entered the hotel restaurant, ordered their food, and continued their conversation.
"Didn't I say I'd be the one to announce it?"
"Someone might genuinely try to kill you on the spot."
"It's also possible I'll kill someone on the spot, right?"
"…True. What did you mean when you said your condition is declining?" In Lin Sandie's eyes, Lou was already so powerful she could do whatever she wanted. She didn't understand what Lou meant by her condition being on a downward slope.
"I'm the type," Lou thought for a moment, "the type of Sentinel who's lying on her deathbed, having a final burst of lucidity now and then. Believe me, if I were my old self, I would have had you subdued the moment you raised your gun earlier."
"A final burst of lucidity usually only happens once," Lin Sandie said, a little exasperated. "Why? Are you injured?"
"Sentinels and Guides in the Main World can extend their lifespans by earning points. I've lived for a very long time. Although my lifespan has increased, I've experienced too much, and many unstable factors have accumulated in my psyche. This is unavoidable for anyone who lives a long life." Lou explained this to Lin Sandie with remarkable calm. At this moment, she was like a true elder, an old woman who foresaw the inevitable fall of a withered leaf from its branch.
"You become bedeviled?" Lin Sandie recalled the term Lou had used before.
"Yes."
There was no Guide in the world who could pull Lou out of a bedeviled state; she always had to pull herself out. Her entire life had been consumed in this way, so it was normal for her to feel exhausted to the point where her mental state was in decline.
"Just let nature take its course," Lou comforted Lin Sandie, not wanting to dwell on herself. "Don't overthink it. Even if someone wants to kill us and take our loot, they'll have to wait until after I get Madam Lilo's poetry collection. As for our announcement shaking up certain organizations, they won't be able to react immediately."
Lin Sandie, who had been looking preoccupied, heard Lou's explanation and felt it made sense. She looked at Lou, who was sitting across from her. "Yes, you must be very experienced with this kind of thing."
Lou grinned smugly. "But I still have to thank you. You clearly want to kill me, yet you're still worried about my safety. What does that feel like?"
"It's hard to explain," Lin Sandie said evasively, her mind once again turning to the matter between her and Lou.
It was true that she harbored a murderous intent toward Lou, so strong that it sometimes drove her to act impulsively. But she was also aware of the emotions that occasionally surfaced in her heart.
The 'Scorpion' devoured her emotions, but it couldn't devour her intelligence.
She had a favorable impression of Lou, which in turn gave rise to desire. There was nothing wrong with admitting that. Even if those feelings and desires were quickly devoured by the 'Scorpion,' even if they were fleeting, at least in her heart right now, Lin Sandie admitted she had feelings for Lou.
It was strange to fall for someone who looked exactly like her, but ever since Lou had suddenly appeared and hugged her in Taiyin Village, Lin Sandie knew her heart had been moved. Lou brought her not only peace and a sense of security, but also joy, and many other indescribable thrills.
"That looks delicious. Can I have a piece?" Lou's words interrupted Lin Sandie's thoughts.
"I'm eating this myself." Lin Sandie frowned and put a piece of cut steak into her mouth.
"Stingy," Lou muttered.
Lin Sandie ignored her, but then another thought occurred to her. Lou wasn't really as childish as she acted. She was reliable most of the time, and she wasn't some girl experiencing love for the first time.
She did act like an immature person, and who knew if her acting skills had reached a state of natural perfection, but there were truly no flaws in their daily interactions. Perhaps she deliberately presented herself this way to others for a reason?
Lin Sandie's experience with love was limited, but Yan Ting alone had already made her experience every possible feeling that could arise from so-called love: the joy after longing, the dejection after confusion, the disappointment after anticipation, and the hatred after despair…
When she first started dating, Lin Sandie would be willful, act cute, say hurtful things without thinking, and cry over trivial words. But slowly, Yan Ting taught Lin Sandie all the desirable behaviors in a relationship: calmness, restraint, gentleness. Lin Sandie could predict how to act in a relationship to meet her partner's expectations. For Lin Sandie, love had become like a job. And while learning these "relationship dos and don'ts," Lin Sandie came to understand herself better, and in that understanding, she gradually accepted herself.
She was greedier than anyone, more twisted than anyone, which was why she had told Yan Ting that her love came with many conditions.
Lin Sandie had long ago accepted that this was the kind of person she was.
She was addicted to a love that was like a horror game. It made her excited, expectant, and filled her with pressure, but Lin Sandie liked that feeling. The real her liked to tame pressure, liked the unpredictable.
When she was with Yan Ting, that model had been unilaterally controlled by the latter. The system Lin Sandie had wanted to build collapsed, and her feelings for Yan Ting turned from love to hate.
If a game becomes cheap and is always decided by one person, then it's no fun, is it?
Of course, maybe Lou didn't mind right now, but Lin Sandie had no intention of confirming a romantic relationship with her. Not only was the timing wrong, but Lin Sandie didn't want a simple romantic relationship. She wanted to be bound as Lou's Guide. Lou said love was only a small part of her life, but Lin Sandie was not the type to be satisfied with just a small part.
She wanted to become Lou's blade sheath. This was perhaps an incredibly presumptuous idea; she was far from qualified right now, but it was a thrilling and worthwhile goal to strive for.
Am I crazy?
Lin Sandie thought to herself, but her face betrayed nothing.
"Lin Sandie, what have you been thinking about all this time?"
"About Madam Lilo's last words. Miu went out this morning to check on the progress of the other task-takers in the city and still hasn't returned. Should we bring back some dinner for it?"
Until her determination bore fruit, Lin Sandie didn't plan on saying anything to Lou. Besides, she had just said she wouldn't be looking at other women for the time being. Lin Sandie lowered her head and ate her dinner, appearing perfectly calm.
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