Mr. Lizard Outside the Window - Chapter 34
Chapter 34: Lost and Found
A chair lay overturned on the floor, a water bottle rolled across the wet tiles, and red rose petals scattered across the puddle.
Banxia and Xiao Lian were both on the floor.
It was a mess.
Banxia scrambled to her feet, feeling slightly dazed, and saw that Xiao Lian was in an even more awkward position.
He was half-prostrate on the wet floor, one hand clenched, his forehead pressed against the tiles. Behind him, a long, black tail extended, its tip twitching nervously in the puddle near Banxia's hand, splashing droplets onto her skin.
He was struggling to support himself with one elbow, his other hand desperately clutching his pants, which were threatening to slip off, pulled down by the weight of his tail.
Banxia felt a strange tingling sensation on her hand, a sudden urge to reach out and stroke the twitching tail.
Before she could, Xiao Lian turned sharply, his eyes narrowed into slits, the dark gold flecks in his pupils blazing.
He only looked like this when he was startled or angry.
And he hated it when she touched his tail.
His tail was very sensitive.
Banxia quickly took a step back, raising her hands defensively. "I… I wasn't going to do anything!" she stammered.
The curtains swayed in the breeze, casting flickering shadows across the room.
A human body, inhuman eyes, a long black tail, pale fingers clutching at his pants, a flash of white skin beneath the fabric pulled askew by the tail…
Banxia felt her cheeks burning.
The sudden intrusion of light and the cool night air brought a wave of belated embarrassment. She quickly averted her gaze, her voice flustered. "I… I know you don't like it when I touch you. Don't worry! I won't do anything! I won't even look! Just… take your time. Get up when you're ready."
The gold flecks in his eyes faded, but his gaze remained fixed on the red rose lying on the floor.
He reached out, picked up the flower, and stared at it for a long moment, his fingers tightening until the petals crumpled in his hand. He dropped the crushed flower, the red stain on his pale fingertips.
Then, he stood up, his back to Banxia, and wiped his mouth with his stained fingers, his other hand slowly unbuttoning his shirt.
The soft fabric fell to the floor.
In the dim light, his back, pale as jade, was exposed, a few dark scales clinging to his neck and cheek. His shoulder blades shifted, the movement accentuating the slender curve of his waist.
And below, a long, black tail, its scales gleaming faintly, curled around his bare ankles.
He was still clutching his pants, but the position of his tail created a… suggestive bulge.
The half-concealed, half-revealed form was even more alluring.
Like a white lotus blooming in the mud, its pure white petals stained with dark earth.
Pure and seductive, his beauty intoxicating.
"I… I can't offer you anything else," he said, his voice low, his back still turned. "As long as you… don't find me disgusting… you can… do whatever you want with me."
If his time was limited, he should say what he wanted to say, do what he wanted to do.
He couldn't walk her home, couldn't hold her hand under the moonlight, couldn't take care of her when she was sick.
He might not even be able to stay with her for much longer.
But in this moment, he could offer her this, this surrender, this willingness to be hers, completely, if it would bring her happiness.
Banxia stared at him, speechless.
Sweet, shy, gentle Xiao Lian… he had this side to him too?
She reached out and touched his hand.
His fingers, stained with crushed rose petals, were cold and trembling.
She looked up. His eyes, even in the darkness, held no trace of desire, only a faint glimmer of… sadness?
Like someone offering themselves up as a sacrifice.
Oh, Xiao Lian…
Banxia didn't know what to say.
She took his hand and led him to the bed. With his tail, sitting was awkward, so she had him lie down.
"I… I didn't mean to upset you," she said, sitting on the floor beside the bed. "You don't have to… do this. You don't have to… give yourself to me like this."
"It's not…" he started to explain, but she interrupted him.
"We have plenty of time," she said, smiling gently. "We can take things slowly."
He turned his face away, burying it in the pillow.
The room was still a mess. Banxia sat on the floor, remembering her own boldness, her impulsive actions, and felt her cheeks burning again.
Thankfully, it was dark. He couldn't see her blush.
"I'm… happy," she confessed, her voice barely a whisper. "I thought… you might not… like me."
She glanced at him. He shifted slightly. Were his ears and neck also flushed?
It's so frustrating, not being able to see clearly in the dark.
She reached for the light switch.
A pale arm reached out from the bed and grabbed her wrist.
His hand, the white skin partially covered in black scales, was surprisingly strong.
He held her wrist tightly, preventing her from turning on the light.
"Don't," he pleaded, his voice low and urgent. "Please, don't turn on the light."
He's finally talking to me, Banxia thought, relieved.
He never spoke to her in his human form.
Sometimes, she would wake up in the middle of the night and see him in the kitchen, but he would always transform back into a gecko before she could speak to him.
Even during their passionate encounter, she had only heard his muffled groans, making her wonder if he was truly willing.
Now, his voice, a strange mix of human and gecko sounds, softer and gentler than his usual low growl, filled the darkness.
She decided not to press the issue of the light, not wanting to make him uncomfortable.
They talked in the darkness for a while, then he was gone, replaced by the small, black gecko.
Seeing him in his familiar form, Banxia's embarrassment faded. She picked him up, placed him in her palm, and climbed into bed.
She burrowed under the covers, creating a nest for herself and a smaller one for Xiao Lian beside her.
"As long as your emotions are stable, you can transform smoothly, without getting stuck halfway, right?"
"Mm-hmm," came the familiar low growl.
"So, how long can you stay in your human form?"
"Not very long," his voice dropped.
"So, you've been transforming back and forth every night to save time? That must be exhausting! You don't have to cook anymore. I can buy food for you."
"I…I like cooking…for you," he mumbled shyly.
"Didn't it hurt, transforming like that?"
She had seen the black scales spreading across his skin, the long tail emerging from his body.
It had looked painful.
"At first, it felt like…being flayed alive," he said quietly. "But then… after doing it so many times, every night… my body got used to it. I learned to control it. It doesn't hurt as much now."
Banxia, it hurt so much at first, Xiao Lian thought.
So much that I almost lost consciousness, the cold seeping into my bones.
I couldn't move, couldn't scream, no one could hear me.
No one held me in their hand, kept me warm in their pocket, like you do.
Banxia looked at him, seeing only a small, black gecko, nestled in her blankets, his round eyes blinking, his scales smooth and gleaming, his tiny claws gripping the fabric, his tail healthy and intact.
She couldn't see the pain and fear he had endured.
"I've always wanted to ask… why did you become like this?"
"One morning," Xiao Lian said, "I woke up, and the bed felt… enormous. I climbed down, and the whole world had changed."
"Were you…scared?"
"Scared…"
He paused, his mind blank. The memory was fading.
It hadn't been that long, yet it felt like a lifetime ago.
So long ago that the details were blurred, like a distant dream.
Sometimes, waking up in the sunlight, he would wonder if he had ever been human, if he was just a lizard dreaming of being a man.
He remembered the first time he had transformed. He hadn't felt any pain, no fear, only a strange sense of relief, of release.
The rules that had bound him, the expectations he had struggled to meet, the lies he had told, the music he had played without passion, all gone.
He had become small, insignificant.
And the world had changed. The carpet was a vast grassland, the furniture and piano tall trees in a forest. He had wandered through the sunlit room, no longer burdened by concerts, competitions, or press conferences.
"What about your family? Your parents?"
"My family…" Xiao Lian hesitated, then after a long pause, said quietly, "When my mother saw me like that, she dropped a plate and screamed. I hid under the bed, where she couldn't see me, trying to comfort her. But she just kept screaming. I don't know how long it went on. Then… my father came. They… they couldn't accept it."
He didn't want to talk about it anymore.
Banxia suddenly leaned over and kissed him on his little head.
"So, this makes us… boyfriend and girlfriend, right?"
Xiao Lian's tiny claws gripped the sheets. Even in the darkness, Banxia could tell he was blushing.
"Why don't you just sleep here tonight?" she teased. "Unless you're worried I'll roll over and crush you."
"…"
"Hey, were you serious about what you said earlier?"
"What did I say?"
Banxia hid her face under the covers and whispered, "About me being able to… do anything I want… with you…"
The little black gecko scrambled out of her bed and fled, disappearing into his terrarium.
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